


I might never reach you

by TD84



Series: That which makes us [3]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Friendship/Love, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Male-Female Friendship, Self reckoning, Sexual Content, Teasing, Trust, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-07
Updated: 2013-08-03
Packaged: 2017-12-18 00:16:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 28,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/873539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TD84/pseuds/TD84
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki has had his memory returned to him, effectively ruining what was budding between Tony Stark and his amnesiac self. Natasha Romanov takes him in, being the only Avenger that seemingly does not fear the god of mischief. Loki is grateful for this, and finds in Natasha the unexpected support it turns out he needs during this, his attempt at finding his way back to a place he wants to be.</p><p>If that place is with Tony or not, he is not quite sure, torn as he is between the feelings that the man causes in him, and his previous utter disregard for that type of thing. </p><p>-</p><p>Tony Stark finds himself having been wrapped up in feelings for a god, that is then snatched from him. How does Tony deal with this? Systematically, of course. At times aided by a lot of alcohol.</p><p>-</p><p>The sequel to You Gotta Rub Me The Right Way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Here's to pretty boys that went to our heads

**Author's Note:**

> Next part. I hope you like it. Tags might change along the way, as I'm following a less clear path with this one.
> 
> First chapter is mainly a recap from part 1's last, from a new perspective.

Shit shit shit. What was he doing?

Tony Stark practically ran to the bar – not that this in itself was an oddity – what he was currently questioning was what had happened to prompt it this particular time.

He hadn’t been able to stop himself. The Loki he had come to know, come to care about, had been stood in his elevator, about to leave. And leave forever.

Tony had understood something was up the second he saw the god’s face upon his and Thor’s return from Asgard. Gone was the playfulness that had lingered in the corner of his mouth, and in his eyes. The green eyes Tony had only recently discovered could look upon those around him with something else than contempt and scorn.

Fumbling with the vodka bottle, pleased to notice its being almost full, he cursed his trembling hands. He’d tried his best from the moment he heard the dreaded words – that the “real” Loki was coming back – to distance himself, briskly, effectively, from the feelings that had started to grow inside of him. He’d turned to Thor to ask him to remove his brother from his world, before chaos ensued – which it would – but the thunder god’s reply had promptly tipped him over the edge.

'I will not have you hurt him.'

The irony in his words had been too much to bear, and Tony gave a short bitter laugh at the thought, before downing the very large glass of vodka he had managed to pour himself. He shuddered, both at the burning down his throat and at the memory of his yelling at Thor, a tirade ending with the very dramatic “He’s not the one hurting here!”. Tony poured another one, trying to console himself that it had only been Thor and Natasha in the room, save Loki, hearing that angsty little outcry. Natasha never told a living soul anything, even though he of course rather she hadn’t witnessed his little break down.

Never mind that now.

Tony grabbed the bottle and went to sit down on the sofa. He would’ve been perfectly fine to end it there. He was hurting, so what? It was nothing he hadn’t been through before. In fact, only six months earlier Pepper had mangled his heart in quite a similar way. Maybe that was why he had freaked so much. It had taken Loki about a week to get to a point where he could hurt him almost as much as Pepper had done.

Tony emptied the glass once more, and then decided to save time and just drink straight from the bottle, carelessly dropping the glass on the floor. It didn’t break. Maybe he’d break it later.

Taking a long swig from the bottle, already halved, he decided it must be because the Pepper thing was still fresh in mind. She had done a good job with the break up, he had to give her that. But then, when did Pepper ever NOT do a good job? She’d sat him down, given him the talk, let him scream and shout and even beg, and then she had upped and left. As in left the country. It had taken Tony four months to get over her, and all along the way he’d hated her for her coaching him into reprogramming Jarvis that night of the break up. Something he was eventually, having gotten through it, thankful for. He still had no way of contacting Pepper without going through Bruce Banner first. And Tony might have drunk himself senseless every single night of those first two months, lessening to every other night, then every third, until the end of the four months, when he could actually recognize his old, pre-Pepper self. And he hadn’t tried to call Pepper once during those nights.

Or if he had, Bruce had kept quiet about it, once Tony had sobered up.

But yeah. Pepper was over and done with, dealt with. He was fine. He had been fine. Until Loki’s leaving had tapped into all the same feelings again.

Tony drank some more, starting to feel the familiar, welcome blurring of the edges.

It made sense. Loki could not have affected him this deeply, had Pepper not done the ground work. The explanation pleased him, and he slumped back onto the sofa. Though it still left his stupidity of not severing the ties when he’d had the chance.

After his shouting at Thor, Loki had asked his brother and Natasha to leave. When they had done so, he had edged closer to Tony, who had been intent on staying on his side of the ravine that had opened up between them. But as Loki had explained to him why he had chosen to let Odin return his memory to him, Tony had found himself forced to accept that the god’s arm had been twisted. Which in turn made his situation worse, as he could no longer discard the whole thing with Loki as something he had misinterpreted. Had Loki chosen to have his memory back, ignoring what had gone on between them, Tony could merely have recited the old “fool me once, shame on me…” saying, and pin it down to some intimacy craving he still hadn’t gotten rid of since the Pepper days. Drunk a little to forget the feeling of Loki’s body, pressed against his. Or drunk a lot. But ultimately accepted that he had been played. And been fine with that, eventually.

As it happened, Tony could see how Loki had been forced to let him go. He could also see, in the god’s eyes, the despair at this. And that had ruined it. That had forced some hope back into him, some vague idea that maybe he could get those good feelings back, somehow. And when he had seen the god out, battling with himself to actually let the elevator close – a struggle he had almost lost – he had found that what he was trying to tell himself was already falling on deaf ears:

Loki was going away. Loki was not coming back. Tony was fine with that, he’d be fine.

He had not been able to stop himself from stepping forward, from venturing back to where he’d found himself several times during that last week, into a kiss.

A kiss goodbye, he had tried to rationalize it.

But as he emptied the bottle, noticing how his hands trembled still, he knew that he hadn’t managed to drown the hope that had started growing, against all better judgment.

Better get another bottle.


	2. New day, new surroundings

Loki woke up, but did not open his eyes. For a moment, he lied still, feeling the softness around him. The smell was different from what he had so quickly gotten used to, in Tony’s tower. A small pang of sadness, as he missed the familiarity of what had been his home for a mere week, but then he reminded himself.

This was his first day as himself.

Late last night, after bidding goodnight to Natasha, who’d let him sit in silence for hours on end, he had felt how the full control of his body gradually came back to him. Like slowly working out the words to a long poem once known by heart, step by step, every thought and memory was his once more. He’d been able to feel the slight tingle of the very basic magic Odin had told him he’d recover, but had not dared try and wield any. He told himself it was because of respect towards Natasha, as he reckoned he might be a little rusty, and didn’t want to try out what he could do, indoors, at night.

But if he dug deeper, he knew it was mainly because he did not want to open that Pandora’s box just yet. Wielding magic was power. Power had always made him hungry for more. And he had other things to ponder upon.

Finally, he decided to open his eyes, a flutter of worry just before he did so, in case Odin had gone back on his word, and his control had somehow disappeared through the night. He needn’t have worried, his eyes obeyed him just fine, and he took in the sunlight creeping in through the closed curtains. It was late morning, based on the hue, and he felt a hunger suddenly make itself known. Another wave of disappointment, as he assumed that Natasha was not the type of person to make him breakfast, as Tony had turned out to be. But then he reminded himself that he would at least not have to suffer through any more blasted beans on toast, and that insight made him energetic enough to rise from the bed and leave his room.

Natasha was sat, perched on a kitchen chair, with her laptop open on the table before her. If she had eaten, there was no proof of it that Loki could see. Her eyes were raised from the screen as he walked into the room, but he could not read any emotions on her face.

"Good morning", he offered, curious as to how she would treat him now that he was back to his old self.

The woman must be aware of the fact that the Loki she’d gotten to know over the past few days was gone, he had no qualms about her perceptive skills. Still, he saw no aggression or fear in her eyes as he moved closer.

"Morning", she replied, when he reached the table. "There’s fruit on the counter. Eggs and cheese in the fridge, and bread in the cupboard. I don’t expect Tony taught you how to use a stove?"

Loki gave her a wry smile.

"No, he cooked for me."

At this Natasha actually offered him a mildly surprised eyebrow, lifted slightly.

"You’ve traded down then. I don’t cook."

Loki’s smile widened.

"Fruit’s fine", he replied, before offering that which he was still slightly unaccustomed to. "Thanks."

Stepping up to the counter, he was happy to at least recognize apples and grapes in the pile before him. Still, he grabbed a couple of the more exotic looking ones too, deciding to trust the woman’s taste. He sat down by the table, content with eating breakfast in silence, for now. Natasha had gone back to reading what was on the screen, and left him in peace. Once he had finished the fruit, surprisingly full from it, she pushed the lid shut on the machine, and turned to him again.

"What do you need?"

The question riddled him somewhat, and he frowned a little. She continued.

"I assume you will want to change clothes at some point. You can assume that I will eventually want you to. And I’m not sure you could fit in mine as well as you seem to fit in Tony’s."

Loki caught on, annoyed that he hadn’t before she clarified. Of course. Tony had lent him clothes, but he hadn’t brought any of them with him. The thought of continuing to use Midgardian clothing was somewhat irking, but he knew he didn’t really have much choice.

"Yes, of course", he confirmed. "I will need clothes."

Natasha picked up a phone from her pocket and proceeded to dial a number as she spoke.

"You’ve got a tooth brush. Toiletries and spare towels are in the bathroom. I have none of the stupid shower gel marketed to men, nor do I have those marketed to women, so unless you have during your short stay at Tony’s acquired any specific preferences, I assume you’ll be fine using what I use. Hello? Yes, Romanov here. Tell Fury that someone needs to take the Norse god shopping."

She hung up, and turned back to Loki, as she clarified:

"I don’t shop."

Loki smiled once more.

"What do you do, Romanov?" he couldn’t help himself from asking.

"I murder, manipulate and maim", she deadpanned.

"We’ll get along just fine, then", Loki replied, to see if this would provoke her.

He got a slight smile in return.

"I have no doubts."


	3. I'm not drunk I'm just drinking

Okay. So it’s day light. That should mean he’s slept some since he started drinking, but he’d be damned if he could remember.

Tony pressed his eyes shut, using his hands, trying to recall what had gone on since the elevator closed and Loki disappeared. He remembered vodka. A lot of vodka. The good news was that he was not so upset anymore, a bottle and a half of Stolischnaya did that to a man. What could arguably be seen as bad news was that Jarvis, the damned traitor, was obviously pretending to not understand what he was saying. He should really do a drunk voice recording reading at some point.

"Fffuschk you, Schuurvis, aah’ll do it meschelf!" he proclaimed in perfect distinctness, before fumbling to produce his phone from inside his pocket.

His fingers were however not as obedient as his vocal chords, and it took him some time to get the phone to dial Natasha Romanov, who he vaguely remembered having offered Loki a place to stay. Tony cursed the Asgardian lacking in phones, but was about half a bottle too drunk to care about having to go through Natasha to get to talk to Loki. As the signals started going through, he cleared his throat. He just had to explain that he needed to chat to Loki, briefly. Nothing strange about it.

As she picked up, offering her surname as a reassurance that he had in fact called the right number he proceeded to inform her that it was Tony Stark calling, and that could he please have a word with the god that was currently resident in her quarters?

There was a slight pause, before Natasha replied.

"Stark, is that you? How much have you had to drink?"

Tony frowned. What did that have to do with anything? He confirmed that he had had a few glasses of vodka, thank you very much, now could he please talk to Loki?

"I don’t understand a word you’re saying", was her only reply, and he could almost detect a small amount of annoyance in her otherwise level voice.

Tony looked at the phone in his hand, but there seemed to be no problems with the connection. Maybe her hearing was off, from being close range to too many explosions in her violent past.

He proceeded to speak very, very clearly indeed.

"Llloooooooschiiiiiiiii! Aah neeedscho tschatto Looschii!"

To this, Natasha sighed.

"Loki’s not here. He’s off shopping with Steve."

After this the line went dead, as Natasha had quite obviously grown tired of the conversation. Tony stared at the phone. Had she said shopping?

An attempt at finding Steve’s number proved to be too much for his motoric finer skills, and he dropped – or purposely, somewhat carelessly, placed – the phone on the floor, before deciding that he would just go find them. The city wasn’t that big, and both Steve and Loki were tall, he would be able to spot them from miles away. A certain worry at the two of them being alone popped up, and he briskly stood up to join them.

Too briskly, it turned out, as his legs were not keeping up with what the rest of his body was doing, and got completely left behind as he moved towards the door. Resulting, of course, in a rather magnificent face plant, into the floor.

Maybe he should just stay here for a little while, and get himself together.

As the vodka started shutting off parts of his brain, forcing it into sleep mode, he realized what a fine idea that was, and that closing his eyes for just a few moments would replenish some of the energy he would need to hit the shops with the guys.

Just as he drifted off, he could hear the small vibration of a phone call, but by then it was too late. Tony Stark was passed out.


	4. A little, too soon

"He’s not answering."

Steve’s voice had a familiar worry to it, and Loki had to stop himself from smiling as he looked at the man frown before him. They were stood in a fairly busy pedestrian street, carrying a good few bags of clothing each, though it was all for Loki. People rushed past them, some of them pointing in a friendly, recognizing manner at Steve, but no one seemed to remember Loki’s face. The collective memory was indeed short, and for this he was grateful.

Steve was to be the designated stylist, Natasha had informed him after getting a phone call back telling her to make sure Loki was ready to be picked up in ten, but what the word meant Loki didn’t fully grasp. Other than that Fury obviously still didn’t trust him to be without Avenger guardianship of some kind.

They had spent a good two hours picking up items of clothing that Loki could at least accept to be seen in, Steve as wary as could be expected, but still polite. Which Loki appreciated, and he had made sure to not give the man any reason to freak out, keeping silent whenever not asked a direct question, obediently following wherever the man suggested they went. This was the biggest challenge in the whole new experience, and one he forced himself to endure. Luckily Steve’s politeness made it bearable.

Then Natasha had called, informing them that Tony had tried getting a hold of Loki, and that the man was apparently ‘drunker than she’d ever heard him’, before she unceremoniously hung up. Steve had muttered ‘you should talk to Bruce’ as he had dialed what Loki assumed was Tony’s number.

And now, after failing to reach the man, the worry on Steve’s face was threatening to infect Loki as Steve looked around him, obviously trying to figure out what to do.

"Does he not usually get quite drunk?" Loki tried, even though he wasn’t at all against the idea of the ordeal of following Steve Rogers around various shops being over.

Steve looked at him, still frowning.

"Yeah, he does. But…"

He broke off, looking around him once more. Loki felt a curiosity rise, and waited impatiently for the man to finish his sentence. When he showed no intention of doing so, he pressed on, careful not to sound annoyed.

"But..?"

Steve looked back at him, confused, before evidently remembering what they’d been talking about.

"Um. Well, when Pepper left, he got quite bad. We had to pump his stomach twice in the first week."

At this, Loki frowned also. He vaguely recalled the name Pepper, and knew of what a role she had played in Tony Stark’s life. He wasn’t sure he understood the implications correctly though, and decided to say nothing. Steve suddenly started walking towards where they had parked the car, obviously having made a decision. Loki fell into the brisk pace, just behind him, and Steve stated over his shoulder.

"We should check on him."

Loki halted at these words, but had to fall back into the quick walk instantly not to get left behind, running the first few steps to catch up.

"I… I’m not sure…" he started, not knowing how to explain that he was not ready to face Tony so soon.

"You can wait in the car, if you want", Steve smiled apologetically as they reached the vehicle. "I just really need to make sure he’s okay."

Loki nodded, but Steve had already climbed into the driver’s seat, and he hurried to sit down next to him, willing his racing heart to slow down.

If the notion of seeing Tony Stark had his body react this strongly, he definitely needed to bide his time. His full mind had only been in control for less than a day – he was afraid he would lose it again, faced with the person that had gotten so close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short'un today. It's hours past my bed time.


	5. Hushed revelations

Tony woke up from someone quite gently turning him over onto his back, from where he was laid face down on the floor.

The gentleness ruled out several of his friends.

He tried to open his eyes, but the way the room was doing the conga had him rethink that notion and press them firmly shut instantly. He groaned, incapable of making any other noise at that specific moment in time. He felt a hand push some hair out of his face – his fringe had grown embarrassingly long – still as gentle as before. He tried to gather his drunk thoughts enough to establish who had come to check on him. Had Jarvis taken human form? Cause surely, no other person cared enough about him to be this gentle with him? Unless..?

"Loki?" he managed to murmur, but dared not open his eyes again.

Suddenly he felt strong arms lift him off the floor, maiden style, and he would’ve protested if he could. But trying to get out of the hold would’ve probably made him throw up, and the last thing he wanted was to waste all that fairly expensive vodka he’d consumed.

"You’re stronger than you look, Bambi", he slurred, not sure Loki would be able to make out what he was saying.

Not that it mattered. He almost fell asleep again, but awoke slightly as he felt himself be placed in a bed he recognized as his own. He dared to open his eyes slightly, safe in the knowledge that the blinds would still be down from last night. The room span, though not as much as the living room had done - more a slow shuffle than conga - and he could just about make out a silhouette as it grabbed the bed sheet and tucked him in, before Tony felt forced to close his eyes again. Loki looked bigger than he remembered, but he put it down to drunken confusion.

"Can’t you stay?" he whispered, but only got a soft “hush” in reply.

Tony felt himself drift back to sleep again, smiling as he could feel Loki brushing hair from his eyes once more.

"Please stay", he pressed on, slurring again but not caring. "I liked having you in my bed."

At this the hand paused, before being removed. But Tony was asleep.

 

Loki was fidgeting. Steve had parked the car just outside Tony’s home, and he was sure he’d be able to find his way into the building, and to the floor he’d come to see as home, but he forced himself to stay seated. He reminded himself time and time again that however much he wanted to see Tony, he did not want to see him drunk into oblivion, and hear the nasty things he would most probably say.

He still remembered, with a shudder, how Tony had asked Thor to take Loki back with him to Asgard, when he had found out Loki would get his memories back. Quite rightly so, as Tony had no fond memories of the Loki from before his memories had been wiped. Having spent the last hours drinking heavily, if Natasha’s impression had been correct, Loki figured the reason Tony had tried to get in touch with him was to tell him to go to hell, and to never contact him again. If that’s how Tony felt, he would be forced to respect it, but Loki would at least, if able, make sure he would hear it confirmed to him from a sober person.

He sighed, and looked at the front doors again. Steve had told him he’d just head up quickly make sure Tony was alright. Loki had expected him to be back by now.

Maybe Tony wasn’t alright? The thought tied knots of his stomach, and he cursed. He was not used to being so affected by another person, especially not a mortal. No, keeping his distance was a good idea. He leaned back against the seat again, annoyed to notice that his body had again leant forward, subconsciously. Suddenly he saw movement from the corner of his eye, and glanced over to see Steve approach the car, with a frown on his face. The knots tightened.

"How is he?" Loki asked as Steve sat down behind the steering wheel.

Steve shot him a quick glance that Loki couldn’t interpret.

"Drunk as I don’t know what. But he’s asleep now."

Loki felt himself relax somewhat.

"He’ll be alright then", he half asked, half stated.

Steve turned the engine on, nodding.

"He’ll get through it. I’ll drop you off at Natasha’s."

Loki let himself be pushed back into the seat by the quick acceleration Steve brought the car into, and stayed there, relaxing further. Steve kept quiet, still noticeably disturbed by his friend’s drinking habits. Loki did not want to annoy the man, so he followed his lead keeping silent, letting his eyes stare non-seeing at the passing landscape.

There were still so many things to ponder upon. How to get a chance to talk to Tony, when the man probably never wanted to see him again. How to accept to himself that he actually wanted to talk to Tony again. And as the car pulled up outside Natasha’s block of flats, Steve’s anxious comment reminded him of another thing he had to deal with.

"That’s Barton’s car."


	6. She hurts feelings, breaks hearts, stays quiet, stays smart

Steve had gracefully offered to take Loki with him to his place, in case he did not want to barge in on Barton and Natasha. When Loki had said no and pointed out that Natasha had told him to treat her place like home, and that he wanted to go home, Steve had even more gracefully offered to join him, entering the flat. The sentiment had annoyed Loki, but he had forced himself to be polite as he again said no, knowing that Rogers only meant well. But Loki could take care of himself.

In reality, he almost hoped that Barton would make an attempt at attacking him, as that would not only give him an excuse to dip into whatever magic he harbored, but also have him pushed into an area that he felt at home in – battle. As he ascended the stairs, he was pleased to hear the man’s shouting all the way out in the corridors, but it was only as he got close to the door he could make out his words.

"I just don’t understand why! Why would you?"

If Natasha replied, she did it in too calm a voice for it to carry through the walls.

"Fuck you, Natasha! You know what he did!"

Another pause, and Loki smiled to himself, realizing at the same time how much he enjoyed hearing chaos.

"That’s not the same thing! … No, it is not! Shut up, I..-"

At this point Loki decided to make his entrance, and was presented with Barton, red faced from screaming. The man was stood up, aggressively hunched forward towards Natasha who was sat in an arm chair, leg folded casually over the other, having a cup of tea. Both turned towards him, and he smiled, purposely with a tint of provocation, but not nearly as much as he would’ve wanted, out of respect for the woman. Barton glared at him, but said nothing.

"Honey, I’m home", Loki stated, holding up his bags of shopping at Natasha, as a hunter showcasing his kills.

"Welcome back darling", Natasha replied plainly, matching his wit, before her eyes moved back to Barton who stared at her, furious still.

"So that’s how you play it?" he snarled. "It’s a joke to you, is it?"

Natasha kept her eyes firmly at him as she replied, still calm, but Loki could tell there was annoyance threatening to spill into her voice.

"The only joke here, Barton, is how you make it out to be about you. He needs to stay somewhere. This is the only logical choice."

Loki started walking towards his room, pretending to not notice the scene playing out before him. But before he reached it, Barton turned and pointed at him.

"If you hurt her, I swear to god I will tear the skin off your body and strangle you with it."

Loki met his gaze, cool indifference bouncing against flaming hatred.

"If I manage to hurt _her_ , the likes of you couldn’t touch me, little sparrow."

At this Barton started towards him, fists clenched, but before he could get more than two steps, Natasha’s voice rang out again. This time there was a tint of anger in it.

"Clint, get out."

The hurt that mixed in with the hatred in his eyes was almost comical for Loki to see, but he wisely kept from relishing in it.

"What? You’re not seri-…"

"I don’t surround myself with people doubting me or my ability to look after myself", she interrupted, getting up from the chair, cup still in hand. "You’re doing both. Get out."

Barton took a step towards her, anger having now fully been replaced by a mix between the hurt Loki had seen and a pleading motion as he raised his hands. Loki looked on, intrigued by the relationship he was witnessing.

"Tasha, please", Barton almost begged. "Don’t…"

"There’s no point in carrying on this conversation", she cut him off. "You’re too angry."

"I’m not angry", Barton objected, making his voice stay as calm as hers.

"Don’t lie to me", she admonished him. "Leave. We’ll talk later."

At this she took a step towards him whilst raising an arm towards the door, which had him back up away from her. He glanced at Loki, as if suddenly remembering his presence, and the hatred started burning in his eyes again. Loki could not stop himself from giving him a small wave and a smile, which had Barton turn on his heel and storm out of the apartment.

"Fine!" he yelled. "Play Ozzie and Harriet, see if I care! You make a fine fucking couple!"

To this the door slammed shut after him, and silence fell over the apartment. Loki sighed inwardly, as he now realized he would have to deal with Natasha being upset over the fight, as he knew the two were close. He considered taking to his room straight away, but told himself that he should probably make sure his hostess was alright. It seemed the polite thing to do. He looked at Natasha, who had walked over to rinse her empty tea cup in the sink.

"You okay?" he inquired, surprised to notice how the caring tone in his voice actually only grated his insides somewhat, which in turn made him realize he had come to care for her in some aspect.

She looked at him, with that same, slightly raised eyebrow.

"I’m fine, why?"

Loki was reminded then of the rationale of the woman before him, and gave her a relieved smile from where he was standing.

"Just checking, I suppose. He didn’t seem to be, though."

Natasha placed the cup to dry, and turned to him, leaning on the counter.

"He’ll come around. They always do. Now, what magic can you do?"

Loki was pleasantly surprised at the sheer lack of fear in her voice when she asked the question, as he knew that Midgard had no magic to speak of in its realm, and that its inhabitants generally feared the unknown. The smile stayed on his face as he put the shopping bags down by the door to his room and walked over to the kitchen.

"I’m not sure. I’ve not tried any yet."

Natasha’s eyes followed him attentively as he moved closer. He stopped a few steps away, leaning on the counter also, mirroring her stance.

"Why not?" she questioned.

He shrugged, and fired her another smile, making it a little dismissive.

"I figured you wouldn’t like me trying it out indoors. I might break something."

Natasha smiled a wry smile at this.

"How polite of you. Then let’s go outside. I know a place we can be alone."

Before Loki could reply she had moved out of the kitchen and was halfway out the door. He was torn between a growing worry that things were moving too fast, and a prodding excitement at her recklessness. As he moved towards the door to follow her he wondered if she was challenging him.

And decided that he would not back down if she was.


	7. Sometimes you gotta run before you can walk

Natasha had driven them half an hour’s journey into the woods. It was still afternoon, but Loki could sense a chill in the wind, hinting at evening’s upcoming arrival. He closed the car door and looked at the woman’s face, for once showcasing emotion. She was excited, stood in an opening among the trees and looking back at him as he walked up towards her. Again, he felt something of a fondness well up inside of him.

"So, what can you do?" she challenged.

He stopped, a good few steps away from her. He wondered where to start, not to scare her.

"I used to be able to do all sorts", he began. "But Odin has kept most of my magic, I will most probably only be able to do the basics."

"Which would be…?" she prodded, impatient.

He smiled at her eagerness.

"Bend things to my will. Alter directions."

She narrowed her eyes at him, seemingly not understanding what he meant. He picked up a stick off the ground, with weighed heavily in his hand. How long had it been since he felt raw nature against skin? Disregarding the thought he turned to Natasha.

"If I throw this at you, you will move – correct?"

"Try it."

He smiled again, trying to lure her into a false sense of security before a quick dash of his arm sent the stick spiraling towards her head. Effortlessly, she ducked, making sure it missed her with much room to spare. His smile stayed in place as she straightened back up.

"Should you throw it at me, I would make it move instead. Or at least, I used to be able to."

Natasha bent down to pick up another stick, slightly smaller than the one he had thrown, but thick enough to hurt should it hit him full force. She weighed it in her hand.

"So…" she started, but trailed off.

"Go for it", Loki replied, enjoying the bit of recklessness that had rubbed off on him.

A split second later he saw her body twist and the stick come flying towards him.

His mind reacted instinctively, as he raised his hands to meet it, have his power embrace it and steer it to the side of him. As he felt the wind from the passing stick, a bolt of joy shot through him. The feeling of control followed suit and he let himself be swept away for the split second it took the stick to land, with a crack as it broke from the force of Natasha’s throw, several yards away. He turned to her, not bothering to hide his delight, and was rewarded with an impressed smile.

"Nice. How fast are you?"

He shrugged.

"As fast as my instincts – they take over."

Natasha got something dark in her eyes, but was still smiling, a sight that sent a strange chill down Loki’s spine. She reached behind her back with one hand and pulled out a gun. Had she aimed it straight at Loki, he would’ve been certain she would try and kill him, but she didn’t. She held it aimed at the sky before her, but kept her eyes on him. He swallowed nervously.

"What do you say, _darling_?" she questioned, eyes lit with excitement.

Loki’s heart was beating faster, but he forced himself to appear calm. Did he trust himself enough? Was he ready for this?

And if he wasn’t, were his healing powers?

Taking a deep breath, he fixed his gaze with hers, before sending her an alluring smile.

"Go for it, _honey_."


	8. Feathers flocking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double Saturday update - woohoo!
> 
> Disclaimer:  
> Those of you who believe in complete monogamy and that you can only be attracted to one person, and furthermore believe that other ways of living are wrong - won't like the upcoming.
> 
> What can I say? Let's agree to disagree.

If Loki had expected her to seductively lower the gun and shoot when she was sure he was ready, he had been sorely mistaken, for no sooner had the word “honey” left his lips, had Natasha aimed and fired at him.

But his body had reacted, and before he was even fully aware of what had happened, another surge of magic had shot through him, guiding the bullet out of harm’s way and past him into the forest behind him. He found himself still holding the breath he’d taken, staring behind him in the direction of the bullet, then turning to look at Natasha who was stood, gun still pointing straight at him, mouth open and panting from the tension from the seconds before. His eyes met hers, almost as shocked as she was, and for a few moments they just stared at each other. Then he smiled, which she countered, and the moment was over. She lowered her gun, chuckling to herself.

"I never miss. Damn you, Loki."

He walked towards her.

"At least you can console Barton by telling him you tried to shoot me", he tried, which she bridled at.

"Barton does not see beyond his own picket fence sometimes", Natasha stated as she secured the gun and put it back in the line of her pants. "What you did is not so different from what I once put him through. But the illusion of love justifies a great deal more than an attempt for world domination, it seems."

Loki smiled at this.

"Are you saying I could not have seduced Barton?"

Natasha gave a short laugh before leaning back against the hood of the car.

"Barton’s chronically straight, so yeah, that’s exactly what I’m saying."

Loki knew by now the Midgardians peculiar way of dividing people into categories based on their sexual preferences, and assumed that ‘straight’ meant that Barton only favored those of the female species.

"So what did you do?" he asked, curiously, before adding in a slightly lower, conspiratorial voice. "What did you use him for?"

Natasha’s eyes glazed over and her lips formed in a small, introvert smile as she stared into the forest, which was darkening quickly as the sun was preparing to set.

"It was a long time ago now", she started, in a low voice. "During the times I was coloring my ledger so deeply red. He was young and aching for anyone to care for him, given his background it was understandable. I took advantage of it, and had him do my bidding. The only reason he doesn’t hate me like he hates you is that I managed to manipulate him into thinking it was also what he himself wanted."

She quieted, and Loki let her stay silent. Suddenly she shivered, though if it was from the rapid fall in temperature or from memories he did not know. He found himself wanting to put his arms around her, to warm her, but thought better of it. And just like that she stood up from the position she’d been in, face back to neutral, and looked at him.

"It’s getting dark, we should head back. Unless you can magic up light?"

Loki shook his head.

"Not without a light source. I can only enhance, at this basic level."

"Figures", she replied and went to get into the car.

Loki remained still for just a few moments before following her. They were more alike than he had ever anticipated.

 

Getting back to the flat Natasha went to pick out a bottle of red wine from the cupboard.

"I need a drink", she complained. "I’ve never missed at that close range."

Loki sat down on the sofa, enjoying the memory of the magic flowing through him as he watched her approach with the bottle and two glasses. She sat down on the other side of the couch, and poured them a glass each. Handing him one, she frowned.

"Is that all you do, by the way? Alter directions?"

Loki hummed affirmingly as he took a sip from the glass. Natasha followed his example before muttering.

"Bullet dodging aside, that’s pretty lame, isn’t it?"

Loki raised an eyebrow, with a challenging smile following suit.

"Bending things to my will is lame, you say?"

Natasha shrugged. Loki got what he assumed must be the same dark glint in his eyes that he had seen in hers, back in the forest.

"Put down your wine glass", he ordered, voice soft.

She did so, instantly, with a blank expression, and he kept his eyes at her waiting for it to sink in. As it did, she frowned from confusion, before looking at him with a growing smile full of challenge.

"I see what you did there. Nice. But I’m ready now, it won’t work again."

Loki kept his gaze at her, smiling reassuringly.

"Pick your glass back up."

Natasha did. And laughed a few seconds later, realizing she had done so.

"Ha! As if I wouldn’t do that myself, I’m the one who wanted wine."

She fixed his eyes with hers, smiling that dangerous smile.

"Try something difficult. Something I wouldn’t do."

Loki met her gaze, and her smile, remembering his vow to not back down from her challenges.

"Kiss me."

Natasha put the wine glass down, and moved closer to him on the couch. She was still smiling, as she reached out a hand and grabbed a hold of his hair, just above the neck. He let her pull him in close for the ordered kiss, which was performed with a teasing amount of passion, and he couldn’t help but close his eyes. After a few moments she broke it, letting go of his hair and slowly leaning back on the couch, with her eyes fixed at his. He expected anger to creep onto her features, but was only met with a bemused expression, as she once again reached for the wine glass and took a sip.

"That could be dangerous", she pointed out.

Loki pursed his lips as he contemplated telling her the truth.

"Not really", he confessed after tasting some more wine. "Like this, I can only alter a certain amount. There has to be an ounce of truth or intention to spur from. I’m fairly certain I could not make Barton kiss me, for example."

At this Natasha laughed and reached for the bottle to pour them more wine, and Loki wondered quietly to himself how difficult it would be to make her kiss him on her own accord.


	9. Here he comes to save the day!

Vodka really did lessen his hangovers.

Tony still felt like someone had wrung him inside out, used him to sandpaper the streets of the city, and put him together again, but compared to how he used to feel when waking up after a Pepper inspired binge – during the time he was still heavily into the dark spirits – this was a walk in the park. A hobbled, limping, miserable walk in a park covered with puke, but still – a walk in the friggin’ park. He sighed heavily, reluctantly downing a fourth glass of water, before looking out across the evening sky.

He’d woken up in his own bed in the late afternoon, congratulating himself on once again having managed getting to it, even though he had no memory of doing so whatsoever. He was half tempted to ask Jarvis to play him the surveillance, but knew from experience that it would not be a pretty sight, seeing himself stumbling like an idiot through the rooms. He was just happy there had been no broken items along the way. He sighed once more. Suddenly his phone started playing the title track to Mighty Mouse, and he groaned before picking it up, expecting it to mean business.

"Whattup, Capsicle?" he croaked, trying but failing to sound perfectly awake and healthy.

"Tony?" Steve’s voice questioned, as always giving the impression that this was the first mobile phone call he ever made in his life. "Are you okay?"

Tony bit back another sigh.

"I’m peachy. Just woke up. Power nap gone bad."

"Do you want company?"

Tony frowned. Steve was not usually the sort of person to seek out the company of other people. Especially not his.

"Uh, sure. Come on over. I was just about to order some pizza."

 

Another mighty fine thing with vodka was that its hangovers did not put him off beer. And pizza had to be enjoyed with beer. Tony congratulated himself, whilst taking a sip of the ice cold lager out on the balcony overlooking the city, trying to ignore Steve Rogers’ disapproving look at the activity.

"Chill out, Capsule, I’m only having one with the pizza", he muttered.

Steve ignored the comment and kept his gaze locked on him, still with an annoyingly worried look on his features.

"How are you, Tony?" he asked.

"Too hung over to deal with this", Tony replied into his bottle, hoping his apparent unwillingness would steer Rogers onto happier topics.

"Is this thing with Loki’s memory affecting you somehow?" Steve continued, disregarding Tony’s dismissive tone of voice.

"Don’t know what you mean."

"You seem upset", Steve clarified. "Was there… anything going on between the two of you?"

Tony gave a short and, he hoped, confidently indignant laugh, whilst shaking his head in disbelief.

"Going on?" he smiled, mockingly. "Between Loki and me? I should think not! Where’s that coming from?"

Steve kept looking at him, obviously doubting his sincerity, and Tony was just about to launch into a heartwarming speech about how much he loved the ladies when Steve’s phone went off. As he answered, Tony could make out Fury’s voice.

"Yes sir", Steve replied. "At once. I’m at Stark Tower, I will brief Tony as well."

As he hung up, he stood, looking at Tony.

"Situation downtown, we’re all needed."

Tony didn’t think he’d ever welcomed the chance of suiting up and kicking bad guy ass as much as this time, as it effectively saved him from having to convince Captain America of his heterosexuality.

 

"Right", Steve’s voice was all business. "Hulk is on his way. Before he gets here, we should manage to at least get the east flank under control. Barton, you’re up."

"Hang on", Tony interrupted. "I thought you said we were all needed? Where’s the Russian?"

"She is compromised", Steve replied. "We’ll make do without her."

Tony frowned. Wasn’t Loki with Natasha?

"‘Compromised’?"

Steve seemed hesitant to reply, and Barton stepped in, barely containing his anger as he did so.

"She’s drunk. She and Loki are getting pissed playing happy couples, calling each other ‘darling’ and ‘honey’. Screw her, let’s do this!"

He took off, leaving Tony and Steve behind. Steve turned to Tony, with a look provokingly close to pity.

"You okay?" he asked.

"I wish you would STOP asking me that", Tony growled, harsher than he intended. "I’m fine. Let’s kick some ass."

By the time the hulk turned up, Tony and Barton had almost single handedly defeated the entire enemy squadron.


	10. Simple statements, curious comforts

Loki put the glass back down, emptied again, for what number time he’d lost track. He enjoyed wine much more than he enjoyed the stronger spirits, as it was a slower, more gradual build towards intoxication.

He glanced over at Natasha, sat with her eyes half closed on the other side of the sofa. Her phone had rang, and he had assumed it was Fury. Natasha had informed the caller that she had been drinking a fair amount of alcohol, though her voice had given no such thing away, other than that she possibly spoke at a slightly slower tempo than usual. After hanging up, her phone had gone off again not long after, but looking at it she had not replied. Loki drew the conclusion that it was Barton. It had rung for a long while, vibrating on the sofa next to her, but if she was annoyed or in any other way affected, she hadn’t shown it. After it had gone silent, Loki had tried thinking of something to say, but failed, and the two of them had sat drinking, deep in their own thoughts for a good while.

Suddenly Natasha turned to him.

"What will you do now?" she asked. "I don’t mind you staying here, but if I were you I’d want some sort of plan."

Loki leant his head back on the sofa, staring into the ceiling. The answer to the question was something his subconscious had constantly been trying to work out since he left Stark Tower.

"I have no idea", he admitted. "I trust Odin will see to it that I have sufficient funds, should I decide to remain on Midgard. Some currencies are valid across all the nine realms."

He smiled to himself. The idea of contacting Odin, asking for financial support, amused him. If he was so intent on calling him his son, he would get the full package.

"I’m sure he and SHIELD can come to some arrangement", Natasha confirmed. "But what will you do then? What about Tony?"

Loki’s smile faltered. Whether it was the wine that loosened his tongue, or the fact that Natasha had proven to be someone who’s company he actually enjoyed, he knew not, but he found himself trying to answer her question.

"I don’t know about Tony", he stated. "He proved to be a good person when I needed it, and it seems the memoryless version of me and he got along quite well."

That was putting it mildly. He smirked, before heaving a sigh.

"I could feel my body and hear my mind fall for him. And judging by Tony’s reaction when he found out the real me was coming back, he had developed some feelings for me, or ‘me’, too. Whereas now…"

He trailed off, knowing he wouldn’t need to spell it out. He kept his eyes on the ceiling, feeling Natasha monitor him.

"How about you?" she asked. "How do you feel about him?"

Loki gave a quiet laugh, before turning his head to meet her gaze.

"The likes of you and I don’t fall in love, do we?" he replied. "If we’re lucky, and if we choose to, we can work our way down to where the others fell so heedlessly. But we do it cautiously, calculating our every move. Which has the upside of us always knowing how to find our way back out of there, should we need to."

Natasha looked at him, face blank, before adding:

"And the downside that we can never get as deep."

Loki resumed looking at the ceiling.

"Exactly."

They sat in silence, pondering what had been said. Suddenly Natasha took a deep breath and moved to stand up.

"I’m out of wine. It’s time for bed."

Loki looked at her, but didn’t move.

"Do you want company?"

Natasha turned to face him.

"That depends."

"On what?" he curiously asked, intrigued by the fact that the answer had not been a flat no.

As she gathered up the two empty bottles of wine and the glasses she explained.

"If you intend on going for Tony there can be no sex, as most people on earth consider sex to be something sacred and saved for one specific person at the time."

"Do you?" Loki interrupted, thinking he already knew the answer.

"That has no bearing on the situation", she replied, lip curling slightly to one side. "Tony does. He would deny it if you asked him, but I assure you, if we sleep together you burn that bridge."

"No sex then", Loki concluded, before adding. "For the time being."

Natasha continued, unfazed.

"Secondly: If you’re looking for comfort because we’ve just established that we’re people incapable of what society holds as true love, I’m not interested. I’m not interested in the thoughtlessness that comes with that kind of love, and I am not interested in pretending to pine after it."

Loki smiled.

"I have no need to be comforted", he reassured her.

Natasha looked at him, eyes narrowing.

"Do you snore?"

Loki shook his head.

"Will you keep from using magic?"

He smiled again, a little more devious this time.

"That depends on if you give me a kiss goodnight by your own accord or not."

To this the slight curl of her lip grew bigger and she motioned with her head for him to follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update Sunday! I'm spoiling you!
> 
> Though it's really only to butter you up since I'm going abroad next weekend for a wedding, and won't be able to update for several days... So enjoy it while it last, there'll be a pause in the high pace come end of next week.


	11. Bed time for all

By the time Tony had gotten out of the suit, which had gotten quite mangled in the battle, it was way past midnight. He cursed as he realized he would have to shower before being able to fall into bed, even though he was aching to pass out and forget the last two days ever happened.

Staring at himself in the bathroom mirror he sighed heavily. He looked like an old man. A beaten up, homeless old man. His hair had grown longer than he liked to keep it, and he was sporting a fresh shiner over his right eye, where a spectacularly hard hit had dented his helmet. The unharmed eye didn’t look much better, underlined by dark bags from drinking too much the night before. At least his beard was immaculate, though he cringed as he noticed another grey hair near his chin. They weren’t many, but they were there. Looking over his body for unnoticed cuts or injuries he comforted himself that that was at least of prime condition.

Prime for his age, that was.

Sighing again, he stepped into the shower, before giving off a sound of pleasure as the water started rinsing away the stench of blood, dirt and alcohol. Loki had done right in scampering off to Natasha’s. Tony wasn’t sure of her age, but undoubtedly, she was in better shape than he was. And it was very unlikely that Natasha ever got so drunk as to embarrassingly stagger around her living room, knocking things over in the process. He turned his face up to the falling water, trying to remember what Barton had said. Loki and Natasha were playing happy couples? He moved his head back down so he could snort condescendingly without drowning. He’d believe that when he saw it.

The black widow and the god of chaos, possibly the two least likely love birds he could think of. It would make more sense if it was some sadistic bondage act.

At that thought he felt a jolt of what he recognized as jealousy, and he frowned.

Get a grip Tony. It’s not like Barton knows what he’s talking about anyway, he’s just upset cause the woman of his unobtainable dreams has another dude crashing at hers.

But the uncomfortable feeling would not go away, and he unwillingly admitted to himself it was because it was not impossible that it could be true. Natasha was the only person that had seemingly never been afraid of Loki, save Banner whilst wearing his green outfit. Tony turned the shower off, and reaching for a towel he kept the frown on his face. His previous hacking into the remaining Avengers’ files had told him that Natasha’s past was far from lily white, and though he hadn’t accessed any details he figured that the eighty people Loki had killed during his little stunt, had nothing on her.

That was the past though, and he had not held it against her, trusting that she had done her reckoning somewhere along the line of crossing to pair with the good guys. Still, he would not put his life in her hands, if given an option. Which, as it happened, put her right up there with Loki, on the trust level scale. Or down there, as it might be.

The frown remained in place as he made his way to the bed. As he lied down, realizing that he would for once fall asleep within moments, he tried to get the nasty images of Natasha and Loki, roped up in latex clad role play, from his inner eye.

"Please don’t let me dream of this", he murmured, praying his subconscious would listen.

 

Loki languidly stretched out on Natasha’s bed, wearing a pair of underpants that Steve had awkwardly helped him pick out earlier that day. Natasha had nothing but undergarments on either, getting into the bed next to him.

Lifting the cover up so that she could get under it, he admired the body before him. He appreciated the female form, the rounding curves of the hips and the dip of the waste, not to mention a full pair of breasts. He could feel himself growing hard at the sight of the prime example, and willed himself to think of other things. If what she had said was true, that taking advantage of the situation before him would indeed ruin his chances with Tony, he could be platonic. He was no animal.

Natasha lied down beside him, but showed no intention of getting any closer. He smiled at her distance, knowing that she was no stranger to seduction, but appreciated that she made no move to tease him. Undoubtedly, she had noticed the bulge in his pants, getting under the covers.

"I thought the whole point in sharing a bed was to be close", he mumbled softly.

She looked at him, a teasing smile.

"Can you handle it?"

She glanced downwards, pointedly. Loki laughed quietly.

"Do you think so low of me, woman?"

He turned to his side, propping his head up on his hand while he looked down at her.                             

"Now tell me, what actions would count as off limits by this Midgardian standard you speak of?"

She pursed her lips, playfully, whilst contemplating the question.

"Sadly, much of what is fun to do in a bed. Though we could spoon, I suppose."

Loki smiled at this, not knowing what the phrase referred to, but not caring.

"So a good night kiss is out of the question?" he tried.

She smiled.

"Without magic it is, I’m afraid."

"Then kiss me", he ordered, in the same soft tone of voice as before.

She did, and he cursed the Midgardian customs of keeping to one sexual partner at the time.

As she broke the kiss, which had been long and tender, he was almost embarrassed by the small pant that he couldn’t help escape his lips. But Natasha just smiled, the same mischievous smile, before she made a turning motion with her finger.

"Now turn around. You have to be the small spoon, I don’t want you prodding me in the back all night."


	12. First interrogation

Tony awoke with an exasperated gasp, and felt a sticky warmth form in his boxers. He pressed his eyes shut, torn between enjoying the subsiding orgasm and an apprehensive disgust with himself, as the dream that had pushed him over the edge had featured Loki, Natasha and himself in a spit roast.

And it had not been Natasha in the middle of it.

He glanced at the bedside clock, telling him it was only 7 am, and he groaned. For a moment he pondered upon trying to get back to sleep, but realized that staying in bed with cooling cum all over one’s pants was too sad a prospect for anyone over the age of sixteen. Reluctantly, he got up and hit the shower. 

After breakfast, surprisingly full of energy, he stood in the living room trying to figure out what to do with his morning. He contemplated hitting the gym, but realized that it would make him have to take a third shower in the span of six hours and he discarded the notion. His eyes fell on the stereo in the corner, and he cocked his head to the side, examining the idea that was forming in his mind from all angles. Did it only make sense in his mind? Surely not.

Stepping up to it, he pressed the eject button, and the cd with the name “Loki” written on it was presented to him.

 

Loki awoke, realizing slowly that he felt none of the wariness that had so long accompanied his mornings. The pleasant sound of a body breathing peacefully next to him had more effect than he would have cared to admit, and he glanced over at Natasha with a sleepy smile. She would wake soon, he noticed, as her breaths were lighter than those of a deep sleep, and he took the opportunity to study her features.

Her face was relaxed, and even though she rarely showed emotion in her wake state, there was a vast difference in what he now saw before him. There was no mask, no purposeful distance, only peace. A lock of auburn hair had found its way across her face, and he had to hold back from tucking it behind her ear, acknowledging that most of the warmth he felt for the woman was faux, born from opportunity and merely a game they played. Still, games existed to be enjoyed, he reminded himself, and reached out to brush the hair off her face.

The moment his fingers made contact, her hand flew up to grip his wrist, vicelike, and he had no doubts she could snap it should she want to. Her eyes had opened in the same instance, fixed on him but with a small amount of confusion. He smiled.

"Good morning to you too."

She stared at him for a few more seconds, and he could see her mind waking up, catching up with her body and instinct, as a small smile found its way onto her features. She let go of his wrist, and he carried on moving the strand of hair out of her face.

"Morning", she responded. "I’m not used to intimacy at this hour."

Loki laid back down, shrugging.

"Neither me."

They laid silent for a moment, before Loki continued.

"How do you do it?"

Natasha shuffled around next to him so that she found herself on her stomach, propped up on her elbows as she looked at him.

"Do what?" she asked.

Loki met her gaze, not bothering to hide his honest curiosity.

"Stay away from the darkness", he explained. "Fight for the good guys."

Natasha hesitated for a moment before answering, keeping her eyes firmly at him.

"I don’t fight for the good guys. I fight for me. It just so happens our interests coincide at this moment in time."

Loki thought about this for a while, before responding with another question.

"So what do you want?"

At this, Natasha looked away. Loki waited, but she did not answer, instead making a move to get out of bed. Loki reached out his hand, speaking in the soft, compelling voice from the night before.

"Wait. Come back."

Natasha sunk back down on the bed, but did not look at him. Loki pressed on.

"Look at me. Tell me what you want from this life."

Natasha turned to him, and he was struck by the weariness that had come over her face. Her eyes, deep wells of despair, as she responded.

"I want to be free."

Loki forced down another urge to touch her, knowing what he had to do instead.

"Forget I forced this answer from you", he ordered, voice still soft but with a bigger surge of magic flowing through him.

He watched her get off the bed, and wondered silently to himself what this woman – already so free, in comparison to many others – felt suppressed by.

"I’ll tell you what I want", she pointed out, reaching the door. "Breakfast."

Loki smiled at that and got up.

As he sat down by the kitchen table where Natasha had placed the fruit bowl, someone gave a knock at the front door.


	13. Special delivery

The second he had knocked on the door he noticed the time on his wrist watch, and he cursed. It was not even 8 am, and even though he was sure Natasha wasn’t a late sleeper it was surely against common decency to call upon your colleagues at this hour, without at least some danger to the world as a subterfuge. He momentarily considered leaving and coming back at a more acceptable hour, but before he could move he heard the door being unlocked. A split second later he found himself staring at Natasha Romanov’s half naked body, as she opened the door in only a bra and some knickers, paired with the same, emotionless face she always sported.

Tony Stark had always considered himself if not a gentleman, then at least a hybrid of some sort, but nonetheless his eyes fell onto her breasts, before he could regain his posture and meet her gaze.

"Um", was his very urbane first word, and he struggled to match that with a second one.

"What do you want?" her response came, and he was overjoyed at having something to play off.

"I have some of Loki’s stuff", he managed, ignoring that the use of plural in the sentence was a bit misleading.

Natasha turned back into the flat, leaving the door open.

"Come on in, we’re having breakfast."

Tony hesitated for a moment, before following suit, trying to keep his eyes from falling to her rather pert behind. In fact, he averted his eyes quite decisively from that area, only to have them fall on a body he’d admired close up just days ago, sat perched on a kitchen chair, wearing only boxers.

Tony had not expected that.

Nor had he expected that seeing named body would strike up quite such a longing ache in his own.

Loki looked at him, face as neutral as the Russian’s, before nodding in a greeting. A small flush crept onto Tony’s features, something that started with the unexpected arousal at seeing the god half naked, then grew stronger from annoyance at how Loki seemed able to keep his cool even in his nearly nude state, when he himself was flushing like a school boy who’d just stumbled over his first porn mag.

Get. A. Fucking. Grip. Stark.

He forced himself to cautiously stroll over to the table and grabbed an apple – making the wise, last minute decision to avoid the banana he first had planned on nabbing – before he turned to Natasha with a confident smile.

"Just in the interest of my own safety here, you don’t own a strap-on do you?"

 

Loki was using all his might to keep his breathing in the same steady pace it had been before Tony Stark stepped into the room. Due to the effort it took, he could manage but a nod as a greeting, which was probably for the best as he wasn’t sure his voice would sound quite as confident as he would’ve wanted it to be. He was partly in shock at how seeing Tony made him feel, and was suddenly painfully aware of the very flimsy fabric that was covering his nether regions. Even though the nakedness did not bother him, he was not fond of the idea of revealing the effect Tony Stark could have on him. Not in this inferior position.

He pushed the memories of the man’s naked body far from his mind, and didn’t let it stay too long on the realization that he was still as hot as he remembered, either. Instead, he thought about Thor. That always killed his mood.

Tony sauntered over to the table, showcasing an agonizing amount of confidence, and stopped just an arm’s length away. Loki could see how his eye was sporting evidence from a fight, which only made him more attractive.

Thor. Thor drinking mead. Thor attempting to play chess. Thor swinging his stupid hammer like an idiot.

"Just in the interest of my own safety here", he heard Tony ask Natasha. "You don’t own a strap-on, do you?"

Loki was not sure what he was referring to, but was pleased that Tony was addressing her instead of him. He was still not sure he could talk in a coherent voice, which infuriated him. He did not appreciate the physical reactions Tony’s mere presence conjured up in his body.

Get a grip, Loki.

Natasha looked at Tony, face still blank.

"You’re not my type, Stark. Your ass is safe."

Tony chuckled and bit into the apple he’d picked up and she added.

"From me, at least."

Which had Tony choke on the bite he’d taken, and as he kept coughing Loki felt forced to lean over and thump him on the back a few times. As Tony calmed down, Loki leaned back, hand burning from the touch.

Thor singing drunkenly. Thor dancing. Thor dancing that stupid dance he always does after too much mead.

Tony’s eyes glanced over at him, smiling awkwardly.

"Thanks."

Loki nodded again, feeling silly, but not being able to think of anything that would sound good enough to say out loud. He focused on the grapes before him, but could still see Tony shoot a poisonous glare at the woman.

"Where are the things you were bringing for Loki, then?" she countered, unaffected by the scowling attack.

 

Tony cursed inwardly. This was spiraling out of control.

When the idea had formed in his hyper energetic mind this morning he had pictured himself, the epitome of self-control and poise, casually swinging by Natasha’s flat on his way somewhere important, dropping off the cd he had haphazardly stumbled across in his flat. Nothing special. At the same time getting a glimpse of Loki, to make sure the real version of him was back, and that that version did not have the same effect on him. Maybe strut his stuff a little, before vanishing again.

It had been a great plan.

Instead, fricking Asgardian Adonis and Russian Afrodite had opened the door, being almost as naked as they were cool, knocking him completely off balance. And as he’d finally managed to get some sort of flow to his being here, the red haired harpy had given a snide remark – totally under the belt, by the way – causing him to almost suffer death by apple. Loki had saved him, where his hand had come in contact with his back during the brief, thumping touches was still burning pleasantly.

And now he had to confess that it wasn’t so much “things” that he’d brought for Loki this stupid morning, but rather one silly cd, easily replaced, as the woman who made him it was sat RIGHT THERE. He would’ve groaned, but put all his effort into sounding flippant instead.

"Oh yeah, just this", he shrugged, as he pulled out the cd case from his pocket.

He nearly flung it at the table, but figured that was overdoing it, and placed it semi-carefully instead. He dared hardly look at Loki, for the fear of him seeing straight through this pathetic excuse for coming to see him. Also, he purposely avoided looking at Natasha, knowing full well her usually neutral face would be sporting a smirk.

"Well, I’ve got important business stuff I need to attend to", he continued, before any of them got a chance to comment, and turned around to head for the door.

As he reached it he turned around to see that Loki had picked the cd up, but he didn’t wait around to get the disappointed comment he was sure was brewing.

"Right, see you guys around!" he yelled out, purposely chirpy, before closing the door behind him.

Leaning back on it he covered his eyes with one hand. This had been a disaster.

 

Loki snapped out of his train of thought as he heard Tony call out his parting words, but when he looked up the door was already closed.

"Thank you", he nonetheless mumbled, ignoring Natasha’s amused smile at him.

He looked back at the cd in his hand, and smiled also. This was his first possession in this realm, and the memories that came with it made it one of those he would always treasure the most.


	14. Answering a mystical call

Tony cursed as his phone rang, interrupting what had been some exceptional pity wallowing.

He had left Natasha’s flat promising himself never again to follow any ideas he had before 8 am and that involved other people. He reached for the phone, half expecting it to be Natasha calling to laugh at him even though it was not the Cliff Richard ring tone he’d assigned her. Looking at the screen before answering it was a foreign number. Very foreign. In fact, foreign enough to possibly be the only other woman he knew who deserved to have Devil Woman as a ring tone.

"Pepper?" he chanced, answering.

"Tony!" she backhandedly confirmed, with a slight delay that further pointed to her still being as far away from him as this earth allowed. "Is this a bad time?"

Seeing as I have just made a complete fool of myself in front of the guy I stumbled into having sex with last week and am now ever so slightly obsessed with, and who also happens to be the evil god who tried to take over the world, it’s not the best time.

"As good as any", he replied. "What do you need from me?"

This was not the first time Pepper had called him since the break up. She still worked for him, and there had been a few times over the past months when company decisions had had to be made faster than could be done through Bruce. Though each call had been brief and efficient.

Like their sex life, he bitterly thought to himself. Bedding a woman like Pepper took logistics and time planning skills not of this world. Loki on the other hand… The god of mischief had lived up to his name trying to have at Tony in the kitchen with the rest of the Avengers in the next room, no warning. Tony grinned at the memory but was snapped back to present day when Pepper replied.

"Nothing, actually. I just wanted to call and see how you were doing."

Tony narrowed his eyes, and since she was not able to see his suspicion he let a fair amount of it well through his voice when he questioned this.

"Why? Who’s spoken to you? Has Steve called you? Cause if he’s said anything about me fancying Loki…"

"No no", she interrupted. "It’s your birthday tomorrow, remember? I wanted to wish you a happy birthday in advance, as I won’t be able to get to a phone for the next week or so."

Tony bit his tongue.

"Oh. Thanks."

He pressed his eyes shut. Knowing Pepper was never slow on the uptake he counted down silently from three, two, one…

"Hang on", Pepper’s voice came at him, suddenly lacking in the politeness from before and much more no-bullshitty. " _What_ did you say?"

Tony coughed in the well-hasn’t-this-been-lovely-but-would-you-LOOK-at-the-time?!-way, but before he could tap into his latest favorite excuses list, Pepper bombarded him with more accusational questions. It was almost like that time he had told her he had accidentally mailed the very risqué Christmas GIF he made of himself for her to the board of directors.

Who had all loved it, thank you very much.

"Did you say Loki? Is Loki back?!"

"Calm down, Pep", he sighed, not having missed how shrill her voice got when she was agitated.

"And Steve thinks you FANCY him? Why would he think that?"

A welcome silence fell, and it was only in hindsight that Tony realized that that was when he should’ve said something convincingly dismissive about the situation.

"Haaang on", Pepper declared, suspicion melting into the accusation. "DO you fancy Loki? What the hell is going on over there?"

"Nothing’s going on!" Tony barked, hating how she still read him better than anyone, even with the body of the earth between them. "Loki had his memory wiped, he stayed with me for a while, but now that the memory’s back he’s staying with Natasha."

"Why?"

Pepper flung the word at him with the speed of a bullet.

"What do you mean ‘why’?" Tony played dumb.

"Why is he not staying with you any more? Did something happen?"

Tony refused to answer, knowing that whatever he said she would draw the same conclusion from.

"Never mind", Pepper stated after a while, sounding annoyingly amused at his reluctance to speak. "I’ll ask Natasha. Happy birthday, you big gay!"

With those words she hung up, and when Tony dialed the number she had called from several tones went through, before someone speaking a language he did not understand answered. Wherever Pepper was, they must still use pay phones. Devil woman indeed.

Uncomfortable, he got into his car, outside which he’d been standing whilst talking to Pepper. She wouldn’t REALLY call and ask Natasha, surely? Did they even know each other?

Tony tried to convince himself that it was just a last second threat to rile him as her coins ran out for phone time, and he almost believed it. Sighing, he started the engine. Might as well go stock up on booze for the birthday celebrations for one that he was planning, hoping no one on this side of the world had as good a memory as Pepper Potts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Letting you know now, this is the last chapter update for almost a week, as I'm off to England for a wedding. So that you don't think I've dropped the story, when the frequence of updates changes so dramatically...
> 
> Far from dropping the story, I have in fact recently figured out what will happen in the end. Well, almost completely at least, we'll see what happens when I go to type it out - it almost always ends up slightly different than I pictured. These characters have lives of their own, I'm telling you!
> 
> Anyhow. I hope you are enjoying it, and will deem it worth the wait!


	15. A silencing dissonance

Loki had finished his breakfast and gotten dressed, pleasantly surprised at how comfortable the clothes Steve had helped him pick out was. He had asked Natasha to borrow her laptop as he wanted to listen to the cd Tony had returned to him, and was half way through the third track – almost in a meditative state, as Bruce’s music still affected him in a pleasingly calming manner – when Natasha’s phone rang.

He lowered the volume, partly to not disturb her conversation, partly to listen in.

"Romanov. Hello. What’s up? Nothing, we’ve just had breakfast. Yeah, Loki and me. Fine. No. Tony? Not to my knowledge. No. Was there anything else you wanted? This weekend? Tomorrow? No, I didn’t know that. Sure. Why not. Okay. Bye."

Natasha hung up and strolled over to the couch where Loki was sitting. He eyed her, not wanting to ask who had called and what had been said about Tony, but wanting to know. He frowned at the curiosity he felt growing in his body. The body that had obviously been allowed to indulge in nonsense for too long, when his control over it had been stripped from him, and now what he was suffering from was abstinence from whatever feelings it had been able to cavort in. Setting his mind to stone, he decided to ignore it, and tried to go back to enjoying the music.

"That was Steve", Natasha informed him, ruining his intentions. "He’s worried about Tony, and thinks we should have a surprise party for him to cheer him up. It’s his birthday tomorrow."

Loki’s heart made a little jump, which annoyed him, but he couldn’t deny that it felt good. He nodded, and failed to hinder a smile finding its way onto his lips at the thought of seeing Tony again, so soon. Natasha glanced at him, and smiled too.

"You have it bad, don’t you?"

Loki glared at her, but as he was still smiling it took away some of the maliciousness he was going for.

"It’s annoying", he muttered. "I’m not used to being this physically affected by another person."

He rubbed a hand over his face, frustrated, before continuing.

"I don’t want him to have this power over me. I’ve never given this sort of power to anyone else, and I don’t intend to start now. Only, my stupid other version went and got himself into it, and now his actions are affecting me, still."

Natasha let a thoughtful look fall onto her face, and Loki looked at her, though did not expect her to be able to help.

"Maybe you should try it?" she offered. "Tony’s a good guy. He wouldn’t hurt you."

Loki snorted, half amusement and half contempt.

"No one can hurt me, I’m immortal."

"You know what I mean", Natasha reprimanded.

"No one can hurt me", he persisted.

"You’re lying."

Loki’s eyes narrowed as he stared at a point on the floor in front of him, feeling a small fire of anger lighting in his stomach at her words. She ignored it.

"Your father hurt you."

"Stop talking", he quietly hissed.

"And your brother. It’s obvious that you have loved, Loki, and have felt what it is to be loved."

He turned his eyes to hers, anger flaring from them.

"Hold your tongue, woman!"

But Natasha met his stare, not wavering, as she continued.

"Anyone who sees Thor in your vicinity realizes you are still loved, though you may choose not to see it yourself."

At that Loki’s hand flew out and grabbed her neck in a tight grip. Still she didn’t falter.

"The fact that your memoryless version got so close to Tony should prove to you that you are also capable of it. He was you, remember."

Loki’s hand tightened around her neck, to shut her up, as his orders failed to. Filled with rage at her words, he watched her mouth open, but finally fail to carry on speaking.

"I told you to be silent!" he growled, staring into her eyes to look for the panic that always appeared in these situations.

It did not come.

Her eyes steadily met his, reddening slightly as moments passed without her being able to breathe. After a painfully long time, with the only sound being Natasha’s failed attempts at drawing breath, her hand moved up to his as if to try and pry it off. But if she was too weak from oxygen deprival or trusted him to let go, he couldn’t tell, as she only placed it on top of his before her eyes closed and she went limp. His rage ran off him like water and he let go of her neck, only to have her tumble forward into his arms, unconscious.

"Natasha!" he cried out, horrified and suddenly panicking as he was relentlessly reminded of her mortality.

Propping her back up, putting a hand under her chin to make her face him, he tried to conjure up the magic to breathe life back into her. As nothing happened he realized that ability was still held by Odin. Cursing, he hurriedly moved to position her down on the sofa, remembering there were two ways to breathe life into a person. Making sure she was flat on her back he quickly placed his lips against hers, and pinching her nose, breathed into her mouth.

Please, Natasha!

He saw how his breath managed to raise her chest, and leaned back to watch it fall back down, before placing his lips against hers once more. As he blew into her mouth again he envisioned tapping into all the magic resources he once had possessed, never before used for this, not once. He could feel his eyes tearing, from frustration he told himself, at the same time realizing that he would give anything to undo what he had just done.

Forgive me, Natasha. Come back to me!

He leaned back again, eyes darting over the still so lifeless body before him, panic growing further.

"Come back to me!" he urged, voice insistent, but hitching a little.

As he saw her eyelids flutter, he wanted to scream out loud with relief.

Scared to lay his hands on her again, cringing as he could see her neck already angry red from where his grip had silenced her, he sat trembling as he watched her come round. Her eyes suddenly came open, with the flash of panic that he had earlier awaited, before they fell on him, unemotional once more. He hesitantly met them, silent, unable to speak. She made a move to, but it only resulted in a cough. Wincing in pain she moved her hand to her neck before she sat up and looked at him again.

"Do not disagree with me", she whispered hoarsely. "Someone always gets hurt."

He smiled through the relieved tears that he didn’t care trickled from his eyes. She lived.

"I won’t", he succumbed. "You’re right. I guess I can be capable of love."


	16. I will learn to love the skies I'm under

They had sat in silence for a while. Natasha was looking out the window and Loki sat staring at the floor, deep in thought but very aware of her breathing, shy to look at her. Which was a weird sensation, and one he did not care for. Every time he moved his eyes to her and saw the bruising neck, a cold wave of discomfort went through him.

He had taken lives before, and undoubtedly would again, but what had shook him so was how easily he could have ended hers. His stupid pride had almost snatched Natasha Romanov out of this world, because she had argued against him.

Life had never meant much to him before. Being immortal, life just was. A constant. Unending. He knew mortals had a different relationship with life, as a third part of it was death. Obviously Asgardians knew of death – he had himself longed for it, flirted with it, at times attempted it, in his past – but for the gods it was always a choice. For the fragile beings of this realm, things were different. At any time, by a whim, they could be wiped out. He himself had wiped out a fair amount of them.

And moments ago, he had almost added another name to that list. Thoughtlessly.

"I want to be alone for a bit", Natasha’s voice suddenly reached him, still a little bit hoarse, which made him cringe. "I’m gonna go for a run."

He looked at her, and saw nothing but human frailty before him.

"Is that wise?" he asked. "Should you not… rest? I can leave."

Some of the fragility disappeared then as she glared at him.

"I thought we would get along", she muttered. "But not only do you try to kill me, you also try to patronize me."

Loki smiled carefully at the dark joke, raising his hands in a placating manner.

"I’m sorry. I’ll stay here."

Natasha got up and went to the bedroom to get changed. As she came back out she tilted her head looking thoughtfully at Loki, which made him wonder if she did it on purpose as it served to showcase the red on her neck further.

"You’re not supposed to be alone", she mused. "But I daren’t ask Banner, I don’t want to ask Barton. Tony was on his way somewhere, and Steve is busy."

Loki braced himself in order to keep his gaze at her, trying to ignore the damage he had done to her pale skin.

"Aren’t there little SHIELD agents scattered around town that come when you click your fingers?" he asked.

Natasha smiled knowingly to herself.

"Well, there’s one… But babysitting isn’t exactly that one’s forte. Can’t you just behave yourself for an hour or two?"

Loki smiled.

"I guess I owe you that much."

Natasha gave an affirmative nod, and was out the door. Loki’s thoughts dove back into the depths from before. There was still so much to think about, so much to sort out.

Closing his eyes in a frown, he decided to take the opportunity that was at hand, with Natasha out of the way. It grated him. But apparently near death experiences didn’t have to happen to oneself to prompt these sort of difficult decisions. He took a deep breath and clenched his fists.

"Thor?" he spoke silently, aiming his thoughts to reach the thunder god.

He held his breath, but nothing happened.

A little relieved he breathed out, but no sooner had he done so, did a wind start forming in Natasha’s living room.

 

"Brother?" Thor’s usually booming voice was soft, hesitant almost, as he stood in front of Loki on the floor.

The title still irked him, but he let it slide. Natasha was right. He was loved. He would try to allow Thor to love him.

"So you heard me", Loki stated, voice not giving away any emotion to seeing him.

Thor gave a sheepish smile.

"I have been listening out. So much that mother has scolded me for being distracted."

At this Loki could not help but offer a wry smile.

"I’m sure she would not scold you for such a thing. Tell me the truth."

Thor’s grin grew a little, and he rolled his eyes at being found out.

"I did not hear the bells and missed a council", he confessed. "She had to lie to father about what I was doing. She told him I was tending to a situation by the east mountain chain."

"Thor!" Loki exclaimed in a faint mock horror. "You’ve made a liar out of our beloved mother!"

Thor chuckled.

"She was very cross with me. But when I told her why I was being absent minded, she forgave me."

Thor’s blue eyes fell on Loki, with a soft smile.

"In fact, she told me to keep listening out."

Loki looked away, not quite ready to meet them full on yet.

"Well, I am glad you did", he replied, trying to change the subject. "Natasha had to go out, and director Fury does not want me to be alone. And as none of the Avengers were free to stand guard, you seemed a good option. Are you free to sit with me for an hour or two, until Natasha returns?"

Thor beamed.

"Certainly! It would give me great joy."

Loki just managed to keep from habitually rolling his eyes. The god of thunder was nothing if not easy to please.

"Great. I was just gonna stay here. Feel free."

Loki gestured to the seat next to him and Thor strode over and sat down, obviously overjoyed at the prospect of sitting on a sofa for two hours. Loki couldn’t help but smile to himself, and leant back. A comfortable silence fell, and Loki was reminded of the fact that even though Thor seemed a boisterous brute most of the time, he was good at being silent when he wanted to. Which admittedly wasn’t often, as he preferred being loud, but this seemed to be one of those rare times. They had shared many though, when they were younger.

Time passed, and Loki eventually found himself being the one breaking the silence.

"I’d forgotten how easy it is to be quiet with you", he stated, not looking at Thor as he said it.

Still, from the corner of his eye he could see Thor turn to him.

"Do you not remember that you taught me it?" he asked, voice low and gentle.

Loki frowned and glanced at Thor. He had no memory of this. Thor saw his confusion and turned forward again. He looked out the window, as if seeing what he was recounting out there among the clouds.

"When we were young you could sit still for hours, just thinking. For me, this was a pastime I had never considered. But you coaxed me into it."

He chuckled a little before continuing.

"In fact, at first you black mailed me into it. ‘Brother, if you can keep still and silent until our shadows have grown this far, I will go with you to the stream to fish’."

Loki smiled, as something started to come back to him. He kept quiet, letting Thor carry on.

"At first it was torture. I had to picture myself fighting intricate battles in my head to even be able to remain in the same spot. But over time, I learnt to be still in the moment. Probably since you were so often there with me."

Loki felt a hitch in his throat at those words, as he remembered some of the times Thor spoke of vividly – sitting silent, leaning against a tree and each other’s backs, words redundant. He tried to think of something to say, but Thor did obviously not expect him to, finishing the story with a wink.

"Mother must have been ever so thankful to you for that!"

Loki gave a short laugh at the thought, nodding.

"How is she?" he asked silently, after a slight pause.

"She worries", Thor confessed. "She and father have still not reconciled fully after the punishment he dealt you. It pains them both greatly. And she misses you."

Loki frowned. Odin’s pain stroke up no remorse in him, but the thought of Frigga suffering was different.

"Tell her not to worry", he said, then paused, before adding. "Tell her… that Odin was right."

He saw Thor turn to him once more, and moved to face him.

"I don’t want her hurting more because of me."

He could see Thor’s eyes well up slightly, and he hurried to add:

"But tell her not to tell Odin I said so! And don’t you go telling him either."

At this Thor’s face broke out in a big grin.

"You have my word, brother!"

Loki smiled and leant back on the sofa once more. He could see Thor doing the same, grin remaining on his face. A thought struck Loki.

"Hey Thor", he said and was met by the grin again. "Want to listen to some music?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another weekend.  
> Another wedding.  
> Another wait (for you guys).
> 
> I'm sorry, but ALL the people around me seem to be getting married. This one is at least in Sweden, though a short travel away from where I live, meaning I won't be able to update until next week. POSSIBLY Sunday night, depending on when I get home...
> 
> Anyhow. Hope you enjoyed this chapter of Loki facing up to things. Go Natasha for almost dying and making our favorite God of Chaos grow up a little!
> 
> Thanks for your comments, also! Take care!


	17. Among them who play hard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be warned. Natasha is dark in this one.

When Natasha stepped through the door Loki and Thor were still perched on the couch, blasting Factotum aria from Rossini’s Barber of Seville on the laptop. Loki looked over at her, pleased to notice that the red on her neck had lessened somewhat, and lowered the volume.

"We found your cd collection", he pointed out. "This one is Thor’s favorite."

He nodded his head towards the thunder god, who rose to his feet and strode over to greet the woman.

"Lady Romanov", he bellowed, stretching his arms out. "How it pleases me to see you!"

Natasha took a small step backwards, but was nonetheless scooped up into a big embrace.

"Careful Thor", she coughed. "I’m drenched in sweat."

But Thor kept his arms tight around her.

"Being covered in the sweat of a beautiful woman is something I gladly withstand", he exclaimed, to which Loki rolled his eyes.

When Thor finally let her go, she shot him a glance.

"Surely it’s preferable that you are the cause for perspiration?" she asked, voice dry.

He laughed and turned to Loki.

"How I like this woman!"

Loki got up off the couch and strolled over. Looking at Natasha, he explained.

"Thor was kind enough to stand guard while you were out, as the rest were busy."

Natasha raised an eyebrow at him, before turning to Thor with a polite smile.

"I’m much obliged."

Thor gave a nod, and Natasha looked back at Loki, who smiled innocently back at her.

"Right", she continued. "I’m gonna hit the shower."

She disappeared into the bathroom, leaving Thor and Loki, suddenly awkward.

"So", Loki started. "She’s back. I guess you can return home."

Thor nodded slowly.

"Ay. I will bring mother news of your well being. It will please her greatly."

"Good", Loki replied. "Thank you."

They stood in silence for a while, before Thor straightened his back.

"Right. I should go."

He turned his blue gaze at Loki, sincere once more.

"Thank you for calling for me, Loki."

Loki shrugged, dismissively.

"Thank you for coming", he offered.

Thor reached out, placing a hand on Loki’s shoulder and giving it a squeeze, while the wind started blowing. And with that, he was gone. Loki’s hand moved up to where he could still feel the weight.

"Brother", he said silently.

 

Loki had sat back down on the sofa and Natasha had just exited the bathroom, naked but for a towel wrapped around her, and started picking out ingredients for dinner when a rapt knock was heard from the door. Natasha sighed, and walking over to it she glared at Loki.

"If that’s Stark again, you’re going to stay with him from now on!"

Loki smirked but could not help but hope it would in fact be the man of iron turning up unannounced once more. But as Natasha opened the door he could see it was a woman, smartly dressed and military like in black pants and a buttoned up shirt, who he vaguely recalled having seen at some point in the past. Natasha turned around and walked back into the apartment without a word, and the woman hesitantly followed suit. Her eyes trailed across the room, and falling on Loki, she visibly tensed.

"What do you want?" Natasha asked, with her back turned to the woman as she picked out a big knife from a drawer and proceeded to cut some vegetables.

The woman took her eyes off Loki and turned to her.

"Fury wants to know why you left the god alone and went for a run", she stated, voice authoritarian.

"He wasn’t alone", Natasha replied. "Thor was with him."

The woman glanced at Loki once more, obviously very uncomfortable with his presence. Natasha put down the knife and turned to face her, leaning on the counter with her arms crossed.

"How long have you been monitoring me, Hill?" she asked.

The woman frowned and got a stubborn look on her face.

"I don’t intend on discussing SHIELD protocol in front of him", she replied, tilting her head to where Loki was sat.

At this he cleared his voice, which had both women look at him. He smiled deviously, which made Hill flinch.

"Forget that I am here", he urged with a compelling voice. "Believe that I am in my room, and that you are alone."

The women looked back at each other, Natasha with a bored, slightly unimpressed expression, and Hill still stubborn.

"I have to monitor you, Natasha", she pointed out.

Natasha gave a short laugh.

"Have to, or want to, Maria?" she replied, a superior smile lingering in the corner of her mouth.

Loki sat back, increasingly interested.

Maria looked away, seemingly annoyed at the question.

"Don’t", she said.

Natasha uncrossed her arms and placed them on either side of the counter next to her instead, confidently.

"Don’t what?" she asked, voice challenging, smile gone.

Maria turned back at her, shoulders slumping a little. She gave her a defeated half-smile.

"Never mind."

She hesitantly walked up to where Natasha was standing, stopping just inches away from her. Loki looked at the two women, one wearing but a towel, the other fully clothed, and marveled at how the power hierarchy before him was the exact opposite of what could be expected from their garments. He strained his ears, trying to catch what was being said, as Maria had lowered her voice significantly.

"Is there a risk of him barging in?"

Natasha shook her head, slowly, but still not smiling.

"May I?" Hill asked, raising a hand and placing a finger inside the hem of Natasha’s towel.

"You may."

A pull of her finger had the towel fall to the floor, revealing Natasha’s naked body. Loki felt himself blush somewhat, but stayed seated, drinking in the scene before him as Maria bent down and placed her mouth around one of Natasha’s nipples. Letting her hands cup both breasts, the woman had Natasha lean her head back, closing her eyes.

Loki watched as she massaged and sucked until there were actually hushed whimpers coming from the otherwise so composed woman. Only then did Maria fall to her knees, pushing her head down between Natasha’s thighs. Natasha lifted one leg, placing it over Maria’s shoulder and Loki could see her hands gripping the sides of the counter, as she started slowly bucking her hips. Maria slid a hand up along the inside of Natasha’s thigh, and though Loki could not see from where he was sitting, he knew from the motion her arm started making that she was finger fucking Natasha, alongside the work her tongue was doing.

It didn’t take long before Natasha’s hand flew out to grab a hold of Maria’s hair, rustling it from the prim pony tail it was gathered in, trembling as she came. Loki stared as Natasha moved her leg back down, but she did not let go of Maria’s hair. Instead, she pulled her up onto her feet by it, and moved in to kiss her passionately. He could see Maria crumble then, falling into the kiss. Natasha let go of her hair, and started fumbling with Maria’s pants. Having unbuttoned them, she pushed them halfway down Maria’s thighs, before breaking the kiss and turning the woman around. Sliding up behind her, letting her hands travel over Maria’s clothed body, she whispered, and Loki could only just make out what she was saying.

"You know how I feel about being followed, don’t you, Maria?"

Maria nodded slightly, and Natasha placed a hand on the woman’s back, pushing her, bending her over the table before them.

"Stay", she ordered, voice sharp.

Maria obeyed. Loki could see her close her eyes, keeping still, as Natasha kneeled down on the floor, placing her head between Maria’s legs, spread open before her.

It didn’t take long before Maria’s moans had Loki blush once more, and he could see her bite her lip, edging close to orgasm. Her eyes were still closed, but had they been open, they would’ve looked straight through him. Suddenly, Natasha stood back up, moving a hand to carry on the work her tongue had started. Using the other to wipe her mouth, Loki could see her lips form in a grin, before she reached out to grab the knife that was still on the counter behind her. Loki's heart jumped at the motion, and he almost called out to stop her. But as he saw that her hand had gripped the blade, he bit his tongue. As Natasha moved the blunt handle of the knife towards Maria’s entrance, he swallowed.

Slowly, she started edging it into Maria, who cried out in pleasure at being penetrated by something thicker than Natasha’s slim fingers. Having pushed in as deep as she could Natasha withdrew slowly before upping the pace somewhat, matching each thrust with a word, voice low and deadly.

"Tell. Fury. To. Fuck. Off."

Maria whimpered, and with one final deep thrust Loki saw Natasha bring her over the edge, as the woman on the table convulsed. Natasha bent down over her, knife still in place.

"Do you understand?" Natasha whispered.

Maria nodded, and she pulled the knife out, which had the woman under her wince.

Standing back up, Natasha dropped the knife in the sink with a clang.

"Good", she stated, voice void of emotion as she looked at the trickle of blood running from the palm of her hand, where she must have gripped to tightly. "Otherwise I’ll fuck you with the other end next time."

With these words she left the kitchen and walked into the bedroom. Loki watched as Maria pushed herself off the table, fumbling to pull her pants back up.

"Why do I do this?" he heard her murmur to herself.

He watched her try to smooth out her crinkled clothes, and how she undid the pony tail, only to pull it back up, flawless once more. Natasha returned, dressed in black pants and a shirt, and leant on the counter with her arms crossed. Maria looked at her, face grim.

"I’ll see myself out, shall I?" she asked.

Natasha looked at her, expression back to being bored.

"You know where the door is."

Maria just looked at her for a few more moments, before sighing and moving to leave, having the door slam behind her.

"I’m impressed", Loki spoke out, when they were alone again.

Natasha’s eyes found him, a flash of confusion going through them as she had thought him to be locked away in his room. When realization dawned, she smiled wryly.

"Enjoyed that, did you?"

Loki grinned.

"Not as much as you. Or her."

Natasha shrugged.

"Do you fancy dinner?"

Loki smiled at her bored tone of voice.

"I fancy a cold shower first."

He got up and moved towards the bathroom.

"Make sure you rinse that knife off", he remarked, to which she grinned.


	18. No one here day

Tony had spent the rest of the day driving aimlessly, stopping only to pick up several bottles of vodka and beer. His mind had been running as fast as the landscape beside his car window, and the faster he’d driven, the faster his thoughts had hit him. Which was annoying, as it was usually the other way around.

His phone had been uncharacteristically silent the whole time. Pepper was – even deep in potential jungles – doing a great job, and he was in fact very seldom disturbed by company crap these days. Not that he didn’t use imaginary company crap to get out of other crap, when he wanted. But as Stark Industry had started demanding less and less of him, Fury and his SHIELD had upped the pace.

Not that he minded.

Much.

The only time saving the world really got on his nerves was when it affected his other hobby. Saying that, sometimes he’d been known to combine them, even though it took extra special effort to stay away from Rogers’ watchful eyes, as the squeaky clean soldier had something against drinking and fighting. As if the two didn’t go together like peanut butter and jam, anyway.

When the sun had set he had finally decided to return home.

Stepping through the elevator he came to a halt, sighing. It was so quiet.

He set the bags of alcohol down on the floor where he was standing and just stared in front of him. Loki had only stayed in the tower for a few days, but it had made him remember the days when Pepper was there almost constantly. Even before they were dating, he’d be hard pressed not to come home to his redhead assistant, sat by a table somewhere going through numbers with Jarvis, or humming away in the kitchen.

"Jarvis?" he called out.

"Yes sir?" the trusted voice replied.

"Just checking."

He grabbed the bags again, and went to fill up the bar with the vodka, the fridge with the beer. The downside with Jarvis – which he had in the past often held as an upside compared to Pepper – was that he only really spoke when programmed to. As the silence fell again, he frowned.

"Give me an update on Fury’s latest shenanigans", he ordered, telling himself it was not only to hear a voice.

"Project Russian Roulette has been cancelled", Jarvis stated, and Tony sniggered at Fury’s ridiculous project names.

The ones they all knew of always had decent names, but the ones Fury kept under wraps, on secret servers – which Tony had fairly easily hacked his way into – almost always made word play around the Avengers. Since the projects were almost always about the Avengers. Tony had long let go of his annoyance at Fury’s paranoia.

"What’s this one about?" he asked.

"Agent Maria Hill has been assigned to monitor agent Natasha Romanov and Loki, for the duration of his staying at her flat. Latest journal entries: Visit from Clint Barton – exit, in a state of agitated anger. Visit from Tony Stark – exit, in a state of apparent discomfort. Breach of protocol – Natasha Romanov leaving the premises, seemingly for recreational reasons only, returning two hours and fourteen minutes later. Upon inspection, Hill is informed Thor, of Asgard, has been present during her absence. Proof of this, nonexistent. Case closed. Reason: Need for surveillance deemed negligible."

Tony chuckled. Fury and his scheming.

"Tell you what, Jarvis. Why don’t you go through the rest of the projects, while I have dinner? Start with Project Corrosion, that’s my favorite."

It may not have been the voice of a loved one, but Jarvis’ droning in the background managed to push the darker thoughts away, to the point where Tony didn’t even have to crack open one of the birthday bottles of vodka early.

 

All of next day was spent running errands, save one quick and long overdue visit to the hair dressers. During the night Pepper had emailed him a list of brief meetings all across town, and another lovely greeting – “Hope you’ll have a day full of gaiety!” - ensuring a BRILLIANT start of the day.

Jarvis had been the only other person wishing him a happy birthday, which he was relieved by.

Honest.

The days when he spent his birthdays throwing huge parties were well and truly over. Not only did he much prefer to drink on his own over drinking with a bunch of wannabes that were only after him for his money and/or power, but he felt that he was somehow getting too old to blow that amount of money on booze and strippers in public. In the privacy of one’s own home, maybe. But the amount of friends he could enjoy that with were scarce to say the least.

No, he was looking forward to spending the evening alone, but for mister Stoli and mister Goose. If he ever got to go home.

Groaning inwardly at the fourteenth insipid employee of the day before him, who was giving him some information that Pepper would undoubtedly quiz him on later, but that he wouldn’t be able to recite if it were to save his life, he wondered to himself if this was the worst birthday of his life. Well, of course it wasn’t – Howard Stark had seen to that he had the top five sorted ever since his childhood years, no competition.

But it was definitely in the top ten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Birthday by Blur (first album, Leisure), which I can't seem to find on Youtube. I strongly advice you to go to grooveshark.com and listen to it as it exactly captures the Tony-feels in this chapter.


	19. SURPRISE!

"So what’s the plan, Rogers?" Natasha muttered, and Loki expectantly turned to the man as he was also quite curious of the answer.

They had just entered Stark Tower, aided by Pepper who’d made sure the system would allow access without revealing it to Tony, to the three of them. Banner had apologized profusely for not being able to make it, but being the one who stood in direct contact with Pepper, he had been able to help arrange the technicalities. Tony had been sent on a wild goose chase, Pepper had assured them, having to sit through nonsensical business meetings all day.

"I’ve brought food and dessert", the captain informed them, holding up the bags he’d been carrying. "I’m fairly sure Tony’s got enough alcohol already. It’s early still, but we have to be here, as I’m not sure when Tony will return. Jarvis will give us a head’s up though, when he’s enters the building."

Natasha sighed.

"So it’s just sitting around until then?"

Steve looked a bit guilty, but nodded.

"Well, I’m starting on the beer then", she proclaimed, making her way to the kitchen.

Steve followed her with the bags, leaving Loki to hesitantly step around the floor that he had come to know so well. His eyes fell on the music playing machine in the corner, and he smiled. For some reason, after having gotten ready to go, he’d pocketed the cd that Tony had brought back to him. He considered putting it on, but decided against it. He was not going to be that sentimental, not tonight.

Instead, he walked into the kitchen, where Natasha was leant against the counter taking swigs from a bottle, looking at Steve unpacking his bags. When she saw Loki enter, she handed him a beer.

"Sure you don’t want one, Steve?" she asked.

He smiled politely as he arranged the boxes of food before him on the table.

"Maybe in a bit."

Turning to look at her he continued, with a voice riddled with resignation.

"Since I can’t get drunk any more I tend to not drink as much as half the effect is lost, and all I need to do is visit the bathroom…"

Loki remembered the curious effect the serum Steve Roger had been subjected to had had on his body, and taking a sip of the beer he narrowed his eyes. As an idea started forming, he smiled deviously at Natasha, who looked at him, almost questioningly.

"Steve", he said, voice innocent. "If you want me to use some magic so that you can get drunk with us, I can."

Steve looked at him, a bit cautious, but then as his eyes fell on Natasha who took that moment to drink from her bottle, he smiled.

"Why not?" he shrugged. "We can tell Tony it’s a birthday present, he’s been trying to find a way to get me drunk for ages."

Loki smiled.

"Steve", he then said, voice compelling. "Believe that my magic has made it so that alcohol affects you like it affects other mortals. And forget I told you this."

Steve expectantly kept his gaze at him, as if the last two sentences had not been uttered. Loki waved a hand dramatically at him, which had the man flinch a little, and Natasha stifle a snort. Loki then leant back on the counter, taking another swig from his bottle.

"It is done", he said, dramatically.

Steve chuckled, seemingly a little nervous all of a sudden.

"Really? That’s crazy."

Taking his eyes off Loki he shook his head, smiling to himself, before turning to Natasha.

"I believe I’ll have that drink now, agent Romanov."

 

Natasha had pried them all with beer, and as hours later there was still no sign of Tony, Loki found himself slightly intoxicated on the couch in the living room.

Quite the déjà vu.

As Natasha went for another beer run to the kitchen, where Steve was finishing up preparing the food, he remembered the cd. Slight intoxication paired quite well with nostalgia, he figured, and reached in his jacket pocket to pull it out. Overruling any previous decisions, he moved over to the instrument, proceeding to turn the cd on. Natasha stepped out of the kitchen, three opened bottles of beer in hand, and chuckled as she heard what song was playing.

"We should sing that to him as he walks in", she proclaimed as she sat down.

Loki huffed out a short laugh.

"Not likely. I’m uncomfortable enough as it is."

He grabbed one of the bottles, before continuing.

"Are you sure he won’t shoot us as we jump out at him? Or shoot me, at least?"

Natasha snorted.

"He might shoot when he sees you, but it won’t be using a gun."

Loki glared at her, and she grinned playfully at him.

"Beer makes me crude", she shrugged before shouting out to Steve. "Rogers, do you want your beer or not?"

Steve exited the kitchen, and noticing what song was playing his cheeks started turning pink, as he sat down and grabbed the bottle Natasha was holding out to him. Loki remembered the joke his lesser self had played on the poor man, and decided to let him in on it, mercifully.

Reaching the end of the story, Steve was actually laughing out loud, a sound so rare and infectious that Loki and Natasha ended up doing the same. As they calmed down, Steve got up to get more beer, wiping tears from his eyes.

"It would be funny to surprise him with it", he stated. "Let’s at least have Jarvis play it to him."

 

Tony Stark didn’t feel a year older. He felt a millennia older.

Twenty six meetings in a day with nothing but the most tedious information slides, presented to him by what he suspected were the members of staff with least charisma in the entire establishment – strike that, the entire WORLD! – had completely mangled him. This was worse than a hangover. He hated Pepper Potts. If he’d had a way of contacting her directly, he would’ve fired her. But knew that if he tried to get Banner to put that message across he would refuse. Or hulk out. Everyone loved Pepper.

The bitch.

Sighing the sigh of a millennia old man, he stepped out of the elevator, throat completely closed up with vodka thirst. As he moved towards the bar, music suddenly started playing and he halted, confused. Had he at some drunken point programmed a birthday surprise to himself?

When he recognized the intro as the song Natasha had tricked Loki into playing him – Foreigner’s “I wanna know what love is” – he narrowed his eyes. So Pepper, who still had some access to Jarvis from where she was, HAD spoken to Romanov. He sighed, but couldn’t be bothered asking Jarvis to turn the song off, instead resuming his down beaten march to the bar. He found himself subconsciously smiling at the memory of Loki and him laughing together at the joke played on them. Proceeding to pour himself the first birthday drink of many, he hummed along to the verse, reluctantly accepting that the song had grown on him.

But when the chorus started, he dropped his glass on the floor in sheer shock as three voices loudly came out of nowhere and sang along.

"I WANNA KNOW WHAT LOVE IIIIIS!"

He spun around, narrowly avoiding the shattered glass, and was met by Loki, Natasha and Steve, having jumped out from behind a corner, wailing along on the top of their lungs.

"I WANT YOU TO SHOOW MEEEEE!"

He stared, open mouthed, not believing his eyes, and his reaction had them collapse into a fit of laughter.

As his shock started wearing off, being replaced by a growing smile at the unbelievable sight of his colleagues and Loki leaning on each other, obviously drunk, trying to catch their breaths, he made a mental note to instantly move this birthday out of the top ten worst ones.


	20. Don't look at me with jealous eyes

Natasha and Steve had drunkenly agreed it was a splendid idea to surprise Tony by singing. Loki had tried to refuse to participate, intent on defending what was left of his Asgardian dignity with all his might, but Natasha had pulled out her secret weapon and dramatically gripped a hand around her neck, coughing as if she couldn’t breathe.

Loki knew when he was beaten.

When Jarvis had alerted them on Tony’s arrival, they’d scurried around the corner, struggling to keep from giggling as the beginning of the song had a confused Tony halt on his predictable way to the bar. A small part of Loki that was still somewhat sober had worried at the sight of Tony, as the man seemed absolutely thwarted, but when the chorus started and the three of them jumped out singing loudly, he was carried away by the moment. And Tony’s face of shock was by far worth any amount of dignity he could still claim to hold to his name.

A while later they were sat around the living room table, having enjoyed Steve’s buffet of birthday food, none of which Loki had ever tried before, but all of which he approved of. Tony had started on the vodka, trying to catch up with his intoxicated friends. He had been swept away by the fact that Steve was drunk, and after getting the explanation he had turned to Loki and mouthed “THANK YOU!”, which had given Loki a warm feeling in the pit of his stomach and made him grin like an idiot.

In fact, all through the evening Loki had to continuously turn his grin down a notch, as it kept growing when he wasn’t realizing it. Stupid beer. But as he caught Tony glancing over at him and fire a wry smile in his direction before turning to Steve, he realized it was not only the alcohol’s fault that he was feeling giddy.

"So, Captain Morgan", Tony grinned, giving Steve a brisk pat on the back. "I take it you are the organizer of this little stunt."

He turned to Natasha and Loki.

"No offense, but I can’t picture you guys as party planners."

"Yeah, I don’t plan parties", Natasha muttered, mouth full of food. "I crash’em."

Tony rolled his eyes and turned back to Steve, who was looking at Natasha with a smile and half closed eyes, quite obviously enjoying the magiced up intoxication he was feeling. As Tony cleared his throat, Steve’s eyes moved from the woman to him.

"Thank you", Tony offered, voice so sincere that Rogers started blushing. "I needed this."

"Um, you’re welcome", Steve responded, shrugging dismissively. "Birthday’s are meant for celebrating, is all. Bruce would’ve turned up had he been able. And Clint sends his regards, but… well, never mind."

Loki smiled wryly at the man’s diplomacy, knowing but not caring he was to blame for Barton’s absence. Tony got up to go get them all more beer as he responded.

"That’s okay, I get it."

He smiled at Loki once more, which had Loki’s heart make another little jump.

"The guy’s just jealous", he shrugged before disappearing into the kitchen.

As he returned, handing the beers out, he continued.

"It’s fine! I mean, who doesn’t get jealous from time to time?"

Loki heard Natasha chorus his “I don’t”, and looked over at her. Smiling, they both raised their bottles in a toast. Tony sat back down on the sofa where Steve was sitting, and both men had the same doubting expression on their faces.

"Really?" Tony questioned, looking at Loki even though Natasha also had made the same claim.

Loki shrugged, and drank some beer to drown the unwelcome but undeniably pleasant butterflies that came from talking to Tony, before he replied.

"Not really, no. When you live as long as Asgardians do, petty things like jealousy fade with time. It’s a concept that only applies to young, insecure people."

Tony pursed his lips at this, considering his reply, before turning to the woman.

"Right, so age is his excuse. What’s yours?"

Natasha met his gaze, much steadier than her intoxicated demeanor would’ve suggested possible, where she was slouched on the sofa.

"Jealousy insinuates a right of ownership. You can’t own another person."

But Steve interjected.

"It’s not really about owning though is it", he prompted, slurring a little. "It’s about sharing that which you don’t freely give to just anyone, with a special person."

"Beautifully put, Capsicum!" Tony encouraged him, before turning back to Loki and Natasha to hear their response.

"You can still do that", Loki argued. "You can have more than one special person in your life."

"Also", Natasha straightened up in her seat, raising her finger to further underline her point. "Sharing something special with more than one person doesn’t lessen the meaning of it."

Seeing that neither Tony nor Steve were following her train of thought she frowned impatiently but carried on explaining.

"Say you and I go to the movies, Tony, and have an amazing evening together that we will remember for the rest of our lives."

"I would ROCK your world, Romanov", Tony replied, battering his eye lashes at her.

Natasha waved her hand to shut him up.

"Whatever. Say I go have another movie night with Steve the next night, as amazing. That experience won’t lessen what we shared, correct? Same with sex. Or whatever else you wanna apply it to."

She leaned back on the sofa, having made her point. Steve narrowed his eyes.

"I don’t believe you", he objected, to which Natasha shrugged.

Steve turned to Loki, voice full of doubt as he continued.

"So you’re saying that even if you were madly in love with Tony, you wouldn’t object to him getting intimate with someone else?"

"Whoa there", Tony laughed, a slight discomfort in his voice.

But Loki just smiled at Steve, and shook his head.

"I could handle it quite well, I assure you."

Steve snorted.

"Yeah right."

Loki took his disbelieving tone of voice as a challenge, and his grin widened.

"I’ll prove it to you. Steve, Tony, kiss each other."


	21. Death of a party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double Wednesday update. As I'm ill and home from work, I figured I'd treat you as all I've done is sat on the sofa and snivelled.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it. Or... well, you'll see.

The words Loki uttered made so much sense, cause GOD was he dying to snog Captain America right about now.

Not reflecting on from where these feelings were coming, figuring it was only ever a matter of time before everyone succumbed to the blond hunk of man meat that was Steve Rogers, Tony turned to his right. And realized as Steve looked back at him with wanton, blue eyes, that the feeling was mutual. Not wasting any time, they soon found themselves entangled in a passionate kiss. A MANLY kiss, Tony observed, as Steve’s muscular arms flew around him, and he could feel a hand possessively gripping his neck. What his own arms and hands were doing he was not so sure of, as he was lost in the divine feeling that was Steve’s lips pressed against his, a commanding tongue making its presence known in his mouth.

But no more had he lost himself in the moment, did his thoughts start whirring. What was he doing?

Still kissing, cause kissing was awesome and Steve was pretty good at it, he suddenly remembered that Natasha and Loki were also in the room. Steve must have remembered this particular fact around the same time as he did, cause suddenly the man flew from him, a look of shock on his face. And Tony would be damned if he couldn’t spot fear in those eyes, which had just moments ago looked upon him with such desire.

"Hey!" he complained, trying to get his head around what just happened, and when in doubt, jokes were his go to solution. "I’m not that bad, am I?!"

Steve stared at him, before turning to Loki. Tony did also, and noticed the god leaning back on the sofa, sporting that superior grin that had once been so offensive, but had over the past week or so been reevaluated and was now pretty damn hot.

"See", he said, voice smooth as silk. "That was thoroughly enjoyable, for all parts."

"Hear, hear", Natasha grinned from her corner, and Tony shot her a glare before looking at Steve.

Who was blushing more than Tony thought he had ever seen the man blush.

Or any man.

He felt a bit bad, but was at the same time too amused by the whole situation to do anything but laugh. And suddenly he realized something that could maybe get the god back for what he had just done to them, and he smiled confidently at Loki.

"Soo… correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t you just indirectly admit that you are madly in love with me?"

Loki’s cocky grin froze, and Tony had to use all his might not to fall into a little victory dance routine when he could see a faint blush working its way onto the god’s cheeks.

"I… I…" he stuttered, and Tony kept his silence, smiling his most charming smile at Loki’s futile attempts at forming a sentence.

He nudged Steve to invite the man to shift the spotlight of embarrassment, but the man just brushed him off.

"Whatever Tony, you were crying out for him to come join you in bed when I tucked your drunken ass into it the other day."

Steve got on his feet, swaying a little.

"I need another beer", he muttered. "Anyone else want one?"

Not really waiting for an answer he made his way to the kitchen, but Tony was too busy joining the brigade of blushing brides after Steve’s revelation to ask for a refill anyway. Loki was smirking back at him now, and Tony glared at him, but couldn’t help a small smile forming.

"Oh just get fucking married", Natasha yelled, exasperated, before shouting out to Steve. "Bring me ALL THE BEERS! Or better yet, stay there, I’ll join you!"

She shot a purposeful glare at Loki before exiting the room, which to Tony looked very much like an “I told you so!”

After she’d left Tony found himself sitting in silence, smiling a dumb, drunken smile, at a god. Who was smiling back at him. What a way to spend a birthday.

Just as he had thought of something extremely charming, witty and perfect to say, the elevator door opened and Clint Barton, drunk as only a god knew what, stumbled out.

 

As Natasha went to leave the room Loki’s heart was beating a hundred beats per second. In fact, it wasn’t so much beating any more, it was just humming.

When Tony had called him out on his feelings for him – feelings he had hardly even confessed to himself – Loki had cursed. Damn, damn beer, and its ability to lower guards and loosen tongues. But then Steve’s big reveal, that Tony had also longed back to where they had been together, had eased his discomfort at accidentally dressing up in heart showing sleeves. And in a daze, he suddenly realized there were only the two of them left in the room. How had that happened?

Looking at Tony, knowing it was the beer that made him be able to keep his gaze locked on the other man’s brown eyes, he didn’t want to leave the moment, ever. But as he heard the elevator door open, and someone tumble from it, he realized he would have to. Before he could turn around and see who it was, an angry voice revealed it to him.

"Loki!" Barton’s voice roared. "Get the FUCK out of here!"

Loki saw Tony stand up, and did the same, annoyed at the interruption. Cautiously, they walked over towards the latest guest, who stood swaying in the hallway, arrow and bow in hand.

"Hey man, calm down", Loki could hear Tony’s admonishing voice from behind him.

"Shut up, Stark", Barton bit back, tensely. "He’s controlling you! He’s controlling all of you!"

Loki stared at the man, eyes narrowing. If only Natasha could come control her pawn, he thought to himself, but as neither the woman nor Steve showed up, he sighed.

"I’m not controlling anyone, Barton", he stated plainly. "Now put down your weapon or leave. You’re interrupting something."

At this Barton drew the string, effectively aiming an arrow at Loki.

"Fucking hell, Barton!" Tony called out, voice anxious, but the man’s eyes were locked on Loki and reacted to nothing else.

"You told me you would make me kill Natasha", he murmured, voice low and full of pain. "The things you showed me, the things you made me do…"

Loki’s face fell slightly at his words. He remembered everything he had done to this man, even though he wished didn’t. Barton would not forget, nor would he let Loki. Unless…

Taking a small step forward, he made his voice compelling.

"Barton…"

But he didn’t get any further.

"No!" Barton shouted and let go of the bow string, sending the arrow flying towards him.

Instinctively, Loki’s arms were raised to meet it, and he could feel the magic guide the arrow to the side of him.

Keeping his eyes on Barton, intending to try again before he could reach for another arrow, he saw the man’s face change from anger to panic.

"O-kay…" he then heard Tony’s voice, wavering a little.

Loki spun around and saw the arrow that had been intended for him sticking out of the man’s abdomen, a dark stain of red forming around it and growing rapidly. Tony’s eyes stared at the arrow shaft, fascinated, before they moved up to meet Loki’s. They were already glazing over, Loki was horrified to see, and he realized the man would not be conscious for much longer.

"You killed him!" Barton’s voice yelled out, high pitched in panic.

Stumbling forward to catch Tony before he would fall, Loki could see Natasha and Steve darting out from the kitchen at those words, but he couldn’t care less. Tony’s eyes were still at him, smiling as Loki came up close and helped him ease into a sitting position on the floor.

"Y’know", Tony whispered conspiratorially. "This was rapidly becoming one of the best birthdays, but now I might have to move it back to the top ten worst ones."

"What happened?" Loki heard Steve’s voice, suddenly sounding very sober.

"Loki killed Tony!" Barton shrieked, voice still riddled with panic.

"Can someone silence him?" Loki roared, taking his eyes off Tony for a moment to see Natasha step up to Barton.

With a one swift blow he was quiet, knocked unconscious, and Loki’s attention swiftly moved back to Tony who was still smiling up at him, but starting to get delirious.

"Hey", he frowned as if he just now recognized Loki. "I missed you."

Loki smiled reassuringly back at him, fervently trying to think of something calming to say, but before he could Tony’s eyes closed and he felt him go limp in his arms.

Looking up at Natasha moving hastily towards him, noticing Steve barking out orders that he couldn’t comprehend on the phone behind her, Loki spoke, detached.

"I killed him."


	22. It's for the best we get our distance

"You did not kill him."

Natasha’s words bore into him again, for the hundredth time, and he knew she was being uncharacteristically caring as she continuously tried to put the message across. He looked at her, exasperated, as he put the bag down by the door.

"I might as well have done", he stated.

Again.

"Shouldn’t you at least say good bye?" she frowned. "You’ve sat by his bedside long enough."

Loki sighed. The last week had been spent willing Tony to wake up. The man’d had a strange mix of good and bad luck, the arrow just missing any vital organs, but still maiming him enough so that he was rendered unconscious for days. And even though the doctors had kept reassuring Loki that he would be waking up soon enough, and with some time get back to his usual self, Loki had not once dared leave his side until he started seeing signs that their words were true.

When he could finally see his eyelids starting to flutter, and hear the breathing change pace, it felt like he himself could breathe again. Suddenly panicking, knowing that his decision would be made more unbearable if he’d look into those eyes again, he had then pressed a quick kiss against Tony’s lips and vanished.

And now, it was time to leave.

"Are you sure of this?" Natasha asked, yet again, as she stood up.

Loki smiled a wry smile at her, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

"Begging me to stay, Romanov? Have you enjoyed our little relationship that much?"

Natasha snorted.

"I don’t beg. And I don’t do relationships."

As she grabbed the car keys and made for the door she continued.

"I don’t know what this has been, but it’s been fun. If I ever were to want to be in a relationship, I guess you’d be the type of person I’d pursue."

Loki followed her, grinning at her wayward compliment, happy to shift his attention away from the man he was leaving behind.

"I’m honored. Say that again, in a seductive voice, and I might just stay and make an honest woman out of you."

Natasha smiled as she got in the car.

"I’ll just drop you off."

Loki sat back, smiling quietly, and let his eyes fall upon the city for the last time, as it gradually changed into forest outside the car window.

 

Standing where Natasha had taken him to attempt his magic what felt like a life time ago, he breathed in the fresh air, drawing comfort from it. Turning to face her as she got out of the car to see him off, he forced a smile.

"So where are you going?" she asked.

He shrugged, looking out across the trees surrounding them.

"I’m not sure. East, probably. I’ll walk until I tire of it. I can always call for Thor, if need be."

He turned his eyes back to face her.

"Tell Clint I’m sorry."

Natasha nodded.

"He won’t have it. But I will."

Loki kept his gaze at her, wanting to push the inevitable forward some more, but knew his decision had been made.

"So will I have to magic a good bye kiss out of you, woman?"

Natasha half smiled at this, looking like she sincerely pondered upon the question, before she replied.

"You know what, I think it’s only fair that you kiss me, as I’ve been doing the work all the other times."

Loki was slightly taken aback at her words, but found himself and chuckled. He loved this woman.

Stepping forward and placing his hands on either side of her face, cupping it, he bent down and placed his lips ever so carefully against hers. Stroking a thumb across her cheek he felt her lean into him, and he pressed forward, turning the tender kiss into a deep, lingering one.

Finally breaking it, he didn’t step back, but moved his arms tightly around her body and pulled her into a close embrace. He felt her arms around him, pressing hard, and he swallowed to get the tightness in his throat to vanish.

He would miss her terribly.

After a while he moved to let her go, and took a step back. Meeting her eyes, neutral still, as always, he smiled sadly.

"Thank you for everything, Natasha."

She smiled back at him, and he thought he could see a warm glint in her eyes.

"It’s been my pleasure. Come visit some time."

He nodded. Turning to leave, he remembered a question he must ask.

"You won’t tell Tony where I’m going, will you?"

Natasha’s smile disappeared.

"I’m not making any promises", she replied.

"I was afraid of that", he sighed, before making his voice soft and demanding. "You will forget where you dropped me off, Natasha. You will forget anything about where I was going. And you will forget I told you this."

Looking into her eyes as his words sunk in, and seeing how she forgot them, he smiled sadly once more.

"Good bye, Natasha Romanov."

He turned his back at her and started walking, smiling sadly at her answer as he made his way eastward.

"Good bye, darling."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please utterly disregard MY disregard for American geography.  
> If the city it is set in were New York, I am aware that Loki's trecking east is gonna be a short one. So yeah. It's obviously set in a nondescript city with nature to the east of it.
> 
> Geography is boring anyway.


	23. Where's the good in goodbye?

Slowly ascending into a hazy consciousness, Tony smiled as he could still feel the light touch against his lips, from where Loki had pressed a kiss moments ago.

It was strange how he knew it had been him.

Opening his eyes, still smiling, he was however confused. This was not his room. The smile disappeared as he suddenly remembered Barton, drunkenly turning up, interrupting what had been something really good, going somewhere possibly even better. A flash of panic then had him remember excruciating pain in his stomach, and he glanced downward, realizing at the same time that the room he was in was a hospital room. Panicking further, he tried to calm himself with the fact that he had felt Loki’s lips on his just now, and he looked around to find him. But there was no one there. He tried to move, which proved impossible, and he was just about to scream for help, for Loki, for anyone, when the door opened.

"Loki?" his voice blurted, sounding like it came from somewhere else than from him, whilst he stilled his failed attempts at escape.

But it was Steve that came through the door, smiling apologetically at him.

"No, sorry, he just left."

Tony’s face must have conveyed the full return of panic at Steve’s words, as he hurried to add.

"I’m sure he’ll be right back! He hasn’t left your side for one second up until now."

Tony started breathing again, noticing how his hands were trembling from the strength with which he was gripping the sides of the hospital bed, and he forced them to let go.

"How long have I been in here?" he asked, to try to think of anything but the emptiness Loki’s absence made him feel.

"Three days", Steve replied, as he sat down on the chair next to his bedside. "You’re gonna be alright. But the stuff they’ve got you on is pretty strong, so don’t go running around."

Tony nodded. That made sense. But where was Loki?

Reminding himself that Steve had assured him he would be back, he tried to settle down. As he laid back down he could feel his body relaxing, trying to go back to sleep. He frowned at its attempts, he wanted to stay awake until Loki returned.

"You’re not wrong", he slurred, figuring that engaging in a conversation with Steve would keep him conscious. "This stuff… is…"

 

The next time he woke up, his mind felt less foggy. Looking around him, he found Steve sat drawing in the corner, not having noticed his movements.

"Drawing me like a French girl, Captain, my Captain?" he grinned, voice raspy from disuse.

Steve jumped a little, before looking up at him.

"Welcome back, Tony", he smiled warmly. "You’ve been out for two more days."

Tony’s smile faltered.

"Is…" he started, but paused.

Then he thought, to hell with it.

"Where’s Loki?" he frowned.

At the question Steve’s smile vanished also, and he looked back at the drawing before him, almost as if embarrassed.

"I don’t know", he said, voice low. "He’s gone."

Tony stared at him, trying to ignore how the world fell apart around him.

"What do you mean, gone? How can he be gone? Why would he leave?"

Steve met his gaze, almost pleading as he replied.

"I don’t know, Tony. Natasha saw him last, maybe she knows."

Tony instantly moved to get out of bed and find her, but screamed out loud as the stabbing pain in his stomach reminded him of what had led up to this, and forced him to remain where he was.

"Fuck!"

He punched the mattress, frustrated at his immobility, and turned to Steve again.

"Get her here!"

Steve nodded, having already picked up his phone, dialing a number.

"Natasha? It’s Steve. Are you close by? Tony’s awake."

Tony was about to order Steve to hand him the phone so that he could talk to her directly, but before he got the chance to, Steve hung up.

"She’s five minutes away."

 

As Natasha strode into the room, face blank, Tony was furious. How could he just fuck off? Without so much as a good bye? The woman looked at him and sat down, saying nothing. Steve had gone to get coffee, and the two of them sat in silence for a few moments, Tony glaring at her.

"You look… better", she finally offered.

"Thanks, I'm pissed off", Tony replied.

At this she gave him a bitter halfsmile.

"You and me both. Barton’s an idiot."

Tony frowned.

"Barton? Who the fuck cares about Barton? I’m talking about Loki!"

At this Natasha raised an eyebrow.

"He didn’t do this to you on purpose", she responded.

Tony rolled his eyes.

"No! Not the fucking arrow to the stomach! HIS LEAVING! He’s fucked off! That’s why I’m pissed!"

Natasha leaned back on her chair.

"Oh. I see."

Tony glared at her some more.

"So where is he?" he prodded, when she didn’t say anything else. "Why has he left?"

Natasha looked at him, not speaking for a while, before she shrugged.

"I don’t know where he is", she admitted. "As to why he left… I can only assume that he is too afraid of hurting you to stay."

Tony snorted.

"How ironic."

He took his eyes off Natasha, instead staring unseeing in front of him, as he continued.

"If he thinks he can fuck off and dump me when I’m sleeping, he’s got another thing coming! Pepper has set the bar! When Tony Stark gets dumped, he gets dumped to his face, goddamnit!"

Turning his glare back to Natasha, to find her smiling wryly at him, he frowned deeper.

"What?!"

She shrugged again, but didn’t say anything.

"Smile all you want, Romanov", he growled. "You’re gonna help me find the bastard."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop! Double update! Still full of snot over here, so what better way to spend my time than to edge closer to the finale of this story?  
> I will try to channel some of Tony's decisiveness and point it towards getting well.
> 
> Also. Detail that I like in this chapter: How Natasha thinks like Loki, regarding Tony's expected reaction. You probably thought of that yourselves, it's my ill, delirious mind that likes pointing out the obvious.
> 
> Anyhoo. Hope you enjoyed it! (the chapter, not the pointing out of obvious)


	24. I'm gonna follow, baby, what else can I do?

"Maybe you should just leave it?"

Steve’s anxious voice reached him as he stood by the balcony, ready to take off in the next direction. Tony gritted his teeth to stop a nasty reply from darting out at the man who he deep down knew just cared about him.

Steve and Natasha had stayed with him in the tower ever since he was well enough to leave the hospital. Well enough to leave the hospital also meant well enough to suit up and fly as far as possible in a given direction, scanning the world beneath him for Loki. Every day had been spent this way, and he hadn’t returned until the monitor’s red lights and Jarvis’ incessant warnings regarding his body’s faltering condition had gotten too much to listen to. Only to leave again the next morning.

Each day, he woke up with the growing sense of hopelessness, as he wasn’t even sure Loki was on the planet any more, and had to deal with Steve’s equally growing worry at his attempts.

"Tony, I’m serious."

Steve’s voice was weary, worried, and Tony could hear the familiar build towards an order or a plea that he would ignore anyway.

"You won’t find him", Steve continued. "We don’t even know if he’s still on earth. You’re killing yourself."

He graciously refrained from bringing up how he had had to lift Tony off the floor last night, where he had collapsed after stepping out of his iron armor. But Tony knew it was this Steve was hinting at, and he clenched his fists, angered at the reminder of his body’s weakness. Seeing his discomfort, Steve’s voice softened.

"Please just leave it, Tony."

As he got no reply Steve looked at Natasha, stood leaning at a wall nearby, expressionless as always.

"Romanov", he sighed. "Help me out here."

Tony glared at the woman to see what her reply to Steve’s pleading order would be. Her eyes met his, indifferent.

"He has a point, Stark. The odds of you finding him are bleak, even slimmer if he does not want to be found. He used magic to make me forget where I dropped him off, remember?"

Tony frowned. They were ganging up on him. Natasha had kept quiet up until now, which he had taken as a silent approval.

"Et tu, Brutanov?" he muttered, to which she shrugged.

Her signature move, it seemed.

"If Hill were still following me at the time, we could’ve asked her", she continued. "But I’m fairly certain I got her to back off."

Tony’s frown disappeared.

"They might’ve eased off on you, but no chance in hell would Fury leave Loki alone", he pointed out, a flutter of hope sparking energy through his body. "Jarvis! Any new projects on Fury’s secret servers?"

"Two, sir", the trusted voice informed him and he grinned, ignoring Steve’s disturbed expression at what he was hearing.

"Let’s hear it!"

 

Project Fleeing Frost’s latest entry had informed him that as of yesterday Loki was still on this planet. Grinning at Steve, who still bore a disapproving look on his face, and Natasha, who actually offered him a wry smile, he turned to take off for what he hoped would be the last time.

This time he flew east.

 

Loki sighed, glad to notice it was almost a content sigh. He was sat, back against a tree trunk, staring at the sun. It wouldn’t be long before it would start to set, but he was in no hurry.

The summers on this part of Midgard made for easy living, the few things he had in his bag assuring enough comfort as he made his way through the landscape. The endless life around him was eons from the ice and snow of his nightmares – that unsurprisingly had returned, but were a small price to pay to keep the people he cared about safe from him – and he smiled at how it did wonders for his mind to be surrounded by nature. He’d been walking for days now, lost track already, but not caring. He knew he was putting distance between himself and Tony with each step, and painful as it was, he knew it was necessary. If he closed his eyes he could still see the blood gushing out of Tony’s stomach, feel how his body went limp in his arms. Just as Natasha’s had done.

Shaking his head to return to the presence, he frowned. This was for the best. When Tony woke up, angry from once again almost dying at his hands, he would be relieved to see Loki gone.

Stretching his limbs, deciding he would try to cover some more distance before finding somewhere to sleep, his attention was suddenly caught by a movement in the sky. It didn’t travel like the airplanes or other manmade flying vehicles he had spotted, nor did it move like a bird. Curious, he stood up and shielded his eyes to get a better look. As it rapidly drew closer, he suddenly drew in a sharp breath, as he realized what he was looking at.

It was Tony, in his iron suit, probably coming to fight him. Loki looked around, trying to see if there was anywhere he could hide, but it was too late.

With a loud thud, Tony took ground a few yards away from him, and rose, slowly. Loki held his breath, straightening his back to appear calm and confident. As the man before him pulled his helmet off and threw it on the ground, being the opposite of calm, he swallowed nervously.

Tony was still furious.


	25. Reaching out

"What the fuck?!" Tony yelled.

Okay, so he should’ve probably opened with something more articulate and constructive, but at least it was to the point. And seeing Loki stand before him, cool as ice, as if pissing off into the woods was a NORMAL thing to do when the person you had just confessed feelings for almost died in your arms, but then didn’t, had made the anger flare up inside him once more. He saw Loki flinch at his words, and he forced himself to reign his emotions in somewhat, even though he would’ve happily carried on yelling obscenities at the god until his voice failed him.

"I understand your anger", Loki’s voice carried, level as anything. "It’s why I left."

Tony frowned at this, tilting his head very pointedly to properly convey that he wasn’t sure he had heard him right.

"You left… because I was going to get angry?"

Loki nodded.

"YOU EVIL BASTARD!" Tony exploded. "Was it all a game from the start then?! Have me rediscover feelings, realizing I could actually feel them for the real you, and then fuck off?!"

He saw Loki frown at this, looking confused, but Tony was on a roll now and couldn’t care less.

"I get it! You were always evil! Your dad is evil! Your brother is probably evil! You were all in on it together! ‘Hey, Tony hasn’t had anyone crap on him for a good few months, let’s play with HIM!’"

"Tony", Loki tried, but he was dutifully ignored.

"‘Let’s all get in on this, let’s get Loki and Tony wound up in some sort of crazy relationship, which makes Tony question a shit load of stuff, and then rip it all away from him!’"

"Tony!"

"‘Let’s make him turn gay! Yeah, midlife crisis anyone? Let’s throw one of those at him!’"

Suddenly he went quiet, noticing that Loki had just told him to do so, in a voice that made him realize that it was the perfect thing to do. Still fuming though, he glared at Loki as the god moved towards him.

"I didn’t leave to make you angry", he explained, an annoyed crease between his eyebrows. "I left because I thought you would be angry at me for almost killing you. Again."

Still not quite ready to stop being quiet, Tony could just listen as Loki went on.

"Since I got control back over my body I have realized I care a great deal about the people I know on Midgard. Natasha, yourself, to name the two most important ones."

Tony’s glare disappeared at this, only to return when Loki continued.

"And I have almost killed both of you in that time, due to my thoughtlessness. I can’t stay. It’s too dangerous."

"You almost killed Natasha?" Tony blurted, as he suddenly found himself wanting to speak again.

Loki nodded grimly. Tony burst out laughing, which had the god frown deeper.

"I’m pretty sure it was a trick", Tony offered, calming down. "She does that, I’ve read her files."

Not easing his frown, Loki shook his head.

"No. She stopped breathing. I had to breathe life back into her."

Tony smiled reassuringly at him.

"Trust me, she knew what she was doing. It’s some psychological trick she learnt way back when. She ‘ensures the object’s endless loyalty’, or whatever it said. I’m pretty sure she’s done it to Clint."

Loki stared at the ground before him, thinking this through. Slowly, a small smile appeared on his face.

"The cunning quim", he muttered.

 

For a moment Loki forgot where he was, overwhelmed at the possibility that Natasha had played him, with her own life at the stakes. Just as he thought she couldn’t impress him more. Tony’s voice brought him back.

"And hey, you didn’t almost kill me either. If anything, I should be pissed at Barton!"

Loki glanced at him, the smile wavering somewhat.

"Barton was in his right to try and kill me", he said quietly.

Tony snorted.

"Well he wasn’t in the right to try and do it at MY birthday party!"

Loki smiled at the man’s indignant tone of voice, a boy robbed of his special day. He sighed.

"True, I suppose. But still, I should not stay."

Tony’s smile vanished, and he frowned again.

"No, hang on, HANG on! I’m still pissed about that! Why the hell shouldn’t you?"

Loki looked to the horizon where the sun was starting to set. He had intended to get moving before then, so that he could end his day by walking away from the sinking sun. He would then get up and start a new day by walking to meet the sunrise. It had become his routine.

"It wouldn’t work", he stated, fighting to not let the sadness shine through in his voice, but keeping it practical.

"Bullshit", was Tony’s practical reply. "How do you know that if you don’t try?"

Loki turned to look at him.

"Natasha does it well, she keeps her distance. She and I are alike, we both have enough darkness to drown those around us, but she keeps it inside. Mine spills out."

"Oh here comes an avalanche of bullshit!" Tony yelled out at the sky, before looking at Loki again. "You don’t think I’ve got baggage? Everyone’s fucked up, Bambi, you just have to find people around you that match your jagged edges enough so you don’t constantly cut yourself at them. It’s inevitable that you draw blood occasionally. But hey, I don’t wanna die without any scars."

Loki frowned still, trying to ignore the part of himself that thought what Tony was saying made sense.

"So say we did decide to attempt this", he said, irritable. "How in the world would we do it? How could you trust me?"

"How could you trust _me_?" Tony countered, with a wry smile, evidently thinking he was making progress.

Loki rolled his eyes.

"I’m not the one who’s been thrown out a window and shot in the stomach thanks to _you"_ , he pointed out, impertinently. "I think it’s safe to say I’m more capable of hurting you than the other way around."

Tony shrugged.

"Then it depends. If you tell me now that you want to have a go at this, and that you will try your best not to hurt me on purpose, and most of all that you will not use me as a tool to somehow try to take over the world again, I’m game. And I will tell you the same."

Loki couldn’t help a small smile.

"Since when do you want to take over the world, Stark?"

"Oh, I’m half way there", Tony grinned. "But I don’t need to use you to do it. So what do you say, Rudolph?"

Loki sighed.

"I don’t know", he hesitated. "How do you prove trust?"

 

Tony kept his grin as his eyes were fixed on the problem before him. He could feel Loki wavering, knowing that if he just pressed the right buttons, flicked the right switches, connected the right dots, he could make this work.

Getting an idea, he made his move. He could see Loki frown as he pressed a button on his suit, and hitting a three digit code on the buttons that appeared on the right arm the parts started coming off him. Falling around him where he stood, leaving him clad in sweatpants and a T-shirt, he stretched his arms out to his sides.

"See, I’m defenseless. This is the great Tony Stark, stepping out of his suit, standing before you. Would I do this if I didn’t trust you?"

Loki narrowed his eyes, but said nothing. He saw the god’s gaze fall on his wrists, but as Tony then resolutely reached to remove the bracelets Loki seemed to get nervous.

"You don’t have to do this", he started, raising his hands to stop him.

But ignoring both Loki and the voice in his head that was screaming at him that this was crazy, Tony pulled his safety net clean off, dropping both bracelets on the ground with the rest of his suit. Taking a deep breath, only slightly shaky, he looked back up at Loki who stared, wide eyed at him.

"Is this proof enough for you?"

Loki didn’t say a word, didn’t move, so Tony took another chance and stepped up to kiss him. This brought Loki out of his paralyzed state, and Tony smiled against his lips as he felt the god’s hands move tentatively around his waist. Bracing himself, he broke the kiss and stepped back. Loki looked at him, hesitant still, shy almost, and Tony almost settled with that.

But he couldn’t stop now.

"Right", he said, careful to sound calm. "You asked how you could prove trust. I have just done the single most scary thing I can think of, including flying through an intergalactic portal. For you. For what this could be. And I think I know what you could do for me that would be up there with what I just did."

Loki didn’t move, his attentive gaze almost boring through Tony.

"And remember that as I’m asking you this, I do it with no means of defense", Tony smiled disarmingly, praying that he had not completely misjudged everything, and was about to sign his own death sentence.

Loki frowned somewhat, voice tense when he spoke.

"What do I have to do?"

Tony took a deep breath. All or nothing.

"Kneel for me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone spot Tony paraphrasing both Marla Singer and Tyler Durden?  
> (Guess which is my favourite film of all times.)
> 
> Just one more chapter to go! But you will have to wait until tomorrow.


	26. Giving it up

Loki flinched at the order, for it was an order, however soft spoken it was delivered.

Instinctively, his fists clenched, lips pressing together, affronted. He could see Tony tense also, as the man could obviously notice the change in his demeanor, and Loki forced himself to stay still and not lash out at the outrageous idea. As his thoughts gathered after the initial blur of rage that had come from that specific button being pressed, he reluctantly realized it was the perfect way to prove trust. But acknowledging his reaction, he instantly wondered if there was enough trust there to prove. Frowning, he looked away from Tony, whose eyes were raptly staring at him, showcasing a not unsubstantial amount of fear, though he was sure the man was doing his utmost to hide it.

"There must be other ways for me to prove trust", he murmured, knowing as he said it they would not suffice.

"Probably", Tony admitted, voice carefully level. "But this is the deal. Take it, or leave it."

Loki looked back at him, eyes narrowing, searching for a sign that it was a trap. That it had all somehow led up to this, his disarming and fall.

But he saw nothing but Tony Stark, expression still nervous but looking straight at him, body unprotected and starting to shiver slightly from the cold in the air that had crept up on them after the setting of the sun. Recognizing an urge to get closer to that body, to warm it as he saw it freezing, he realized that if he did not want to lose Tony, he would have to do as ordered.

He had thought him lost already, but been proven wrong. Tony did not blame him for this latest close encounter with death, nor did he seem to hold a grudge at his part in the former one. Instead, somehow he had found Loki, tracked him down to get answers from him, not accepting having been left behind. And then, practically handed his life over into Loki’s hands. Loki winched inwardly at the sight of the bracelets on the ground, not comfortable with the extent of trust put on his shoulders. Sure, he had played with the thought of coaxing Tony to this very position, wondering if he would be able to manipulate his way close to the man’s heart once more, but had not anticipated that it would be Tony making the move to lay himself so bare in front of him.

Looking back up at Tony, considering the possibilities before him – endless – the feeling of power almost overwhelmed him. Feeling a familiar urge to step up and grip that bared throat, to remind the man, the world, of who he was and what he was capable of, he pressed his eyes shut.

Natasha, he reminded himself. A trick or not, the feeling that had come from thinking he had lost her due to his stubborn pride was one he did not want to relive.

Keeping his eyes closed, he forced the words out.

"Give the order again."

He heard hesitation in Tony’s voice as he replied.

"It wasn’t really…-"

"Give the order!" he interrupted, almost growling, eyes fixing Tony’s.

He could see Tony swallowing nervously, subconsciously taking a small step back, before drawing in a deep breath and straightening his back.

"Kneel for me", he managed, voice more demanding this time.

 

Tony couldn’t believe how determined his voice sounded when he repeated the words. He had tried to argue that they weren’t so much an order, but of course Loki wouldn’t see it any other way. The way the god had glared at him when ordering him to order him – how bizarre was that? – had sent chills down Tony’s spine. Chills of arousal and fear, mixed almost evenly.

And now, the order had been given. All or nothing.

Tony found himself holding his breath, as he could practically see Loki’s inner battle play out before him. What if the side he was rooting for lost? Shimmering on the ground, just out of reach but what felt like miles away, laid his safety net. What had he been thinking, casting aside any means of defense? For what? The off chance that Loki found him adorable enough? Tony Stark was foolish, impulsive and arrogant – he knew so, agreed openly to two of those attributes – and now a stupid notion had put his throat against the blade. For what? Tender moments and intimacy with someone he hardly knew. But had gotten close to, real close, in a matter of days. And all he knew was that he had wanted to get closer still.

A sinking feeling however told him the feeling was not mutual, and as the seconds ticked away, like hours, he started calculating his chances of darting forward to grab the bracelets again.

Then suddenly, in one swift movement, beautiful even, the god kneeled down. The sharp intake of breath on Tony’s behalf was only partly due to the long held breath leading up to this moment. Loki was kneeling, face bent down submissively, and Tony could notice the god’s breathing sounding slow and forced from where he was standing.

What do I do now?

Hesitantly, Tony stepped towards the god, absolutely still on the ground before him. He could feel himself shivering, though it had been from the cold before it was now from nerves. He was treading a fine line. Stopping just in front of Loki, he took the moment to etch the image into his memory forever.

Whatever happened next, this would be his go to memory – the moment he knew Loki had chosen him.

 

Loki stared at the ground before him as he heard Tony advancing. He could picture the smug grin on Tony’s lips, and how he was dying to tell the world about how he managed to subdue a god. His fists clenched further, knuckles undoubtedly white from the strain. This was torture.

Why was he doing this? Every part of his body tried to fire impulses to stand, to rise from this demeaning position, to reclaim the slivers of dignity still attributed to him somehow, however faint. But a small part of his mind kept whispering to him, in the quietest of voices, how this was what he had to do.

Natasha’s dead body, it whispered. Tony’s blood on your hands.

And he remained on his knees.

Suddenly Tony’s feet came into his vision, as the man had positioned himself just in front of him. Loki’s heart, already hammering furiously in his chest, upped the pace further as trepidation mixed in with the roaring feelings of discomfort and bitterness that were threatening to take over. How long was Tony going to bask in his humiliation? It wasn’t getting easier, staying in this inferior position, on the contrary. Biting his lip, Loki prayed that he would have the determination he needed to withstand the gloating that undoubtedly was coming.

As he felt Tony’s hand on his chin, gripping it gently to tilt it upwards, forcing Loki to look at him he swallowed. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to meet the superior gaze without ruining it all.

But as his eyes met Tony’s he saw no trace of scorn or ridicule. The tension from having to keep his body in the position he so despised melted away from the look Tony gave him. Gratitude, a shy admiration and something that looked like pride, although he couldn’t be sure as he had never before seen anyone look at him in that way, stilled his body’s fighting reluctance. Tony obviously noticed how he relaxed somewhat, cause the tentative smile he had been sporting grew a little warmer.

"You’re so incredibly hot", he stated quietly, simply.

Loki found himself grasping a touch of power from that comment, which threw him, as he had been certain that was not a feeling he would ever get to enjoy in such an inferior position. Not leaving it, encouraged and further determined to prove to Tony that he would stay like this until told otherwise, he simply curved one side of his mouth in a small half smile, raising his eyebrow slightly, suggestively. The subtle change did not go unnoticed, and the unexpected feeling of power grew stronger as he saw Tony’s breathing quicken slightly. The grip on his jaw tightened somewhat, from gentle to firm, and the eyes that bore down on him got a playfulness to them. He found himself welcoming it.

"Oh the things I could do with you like this", Tony mused, smiling wryly as he tilted Loki’s head slightly to the side as if inspecting property.

Loki’s heart started hammering faster again, and he was surprised to find it was from arousal. Curious of this new sensation he played along.

"I’m yours to do what you deem fit", he replied, and had to suppress a victorious grin as he heard a hitch in Tony’s breathing.

"For now I’ll settle with this", the man replied, voice hoarse. "Stand up and kiss me."

Loki did as he was told, without any noticable feelings of discomfort, and as he rose he was amazed at the small disappointment he felt at the game being over so soon. The brief glance at what could be derived from playing with different roles of power had been tantalizing, and Loki was utterly surprised at how the role he'd never played had piqued his interest. Gratefulness to the man mixed with impatience, and he found himself eager to return, with Tony. Leaning in to obey the second half of the order, he could feel the man shivering, chilled to the bone. Finally giving in to the urge he had supressed so many times before, Loki smiled and wrapped his arms around Tony.

He would warm him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end!
> 
> Which, admittedly, is yet another beginning. But not of a story that I think I will tell.
> 
> I hope you have enjoyed it, and that those of you that were hoping for a Natasha/Loki ending are alright with the fact that in my version of their world it will always be Natasha/freedom above anything else.
> 
> Thanks for reading and commenting! It's been a joy to write.


End file.
